Reason #538

I was the kid who always wanted to be called on in class. I was the first to raise my hand, and I was the first to volunteer. And as I got older, I was the one who always gladly took on the responsibility of group projects. Of course rare is it to have a group who all wants to take the lead. Most of often, people are glad to hand over their part of the project. And if there was ever an opportunity for leadership, I went for it. Because this was natural to me. Some people hate being in charge, while others love it. Some would rather make decisions, while others would rather not have a say. And some people like to take the lead while others are fine with following.

Leadership is not something you just come by. People who want to be leaders are born with this desire, and it shows from an early age. They don't have to be coerced into such positions, they gladly take them. Starting at a young age, you know which kids you can count on to get the job done. The desire for responsibility peaks its little head quickly. And I've come to realize that I like to take the lead in every area. Rare is it the case that I am involved in something where I just sit in the back and keep my thoughts to myself. No, I want to be heard and I want to share my opinions. I want to feel valued, I want to feel as if I'm adding value, and most of all I like to feel needed.

I feel like I keep writing deep blog post after deep blog post, but the Lord is really putting me through a pruning season right now. Cutting away the things that are of me and not of Him. The things that are keeping me from really growing, flourishing, and producing fruit. And although life is really just one big lesson, I'd like to take a break from learning sometimes. But it's for my own benefit that I am being taught these lessons. After all, I am the one raising my hand asking to be called on.

I spent a good bit of time pouring my guts out last night. Talking always helps me organize my thoughts and gain a good perspective. Truthfully, talking helps me begin to have some understanding and clarity, too. And so I talked for a while about how I am really struggling with this lesson because I feel like I have been completely stripped of any and all leadership roles and responsibilities. For a person who thrives off of this kind of stuff, that's a big deal. But, to be completely honest, I feel like all of the sudden I went from being a leader to being forced into becoming a follower. From getting to have a say and make decisions to having to respect and obey the decisions made on my behalf whether or not it's really what I want. And my roles at home, at work, and even in my bible study group were completely changed. Because no longer was I leading, no longer was my opinion being asked, rather my leadership responsibilities dropped drastically, and it caused me to feel like I was longer needed anywhere.

Going through life feeling as if you don't matter and that your presence makes no difference at all is no way to live. It's depressing. But the more I talked about it last night, the more I realized that the Lord is really trying to teach me the roles of service, submission, and humility. And so although I feel like I've been forced into this season, I realize that He has allowed me to enter into this season so that I can really do what I pray everyday - be a better reflection of Him, that I can look more and more like Jesus. Jesus didn't walk around worrying about whether or not everyone sought out or liked His opinions. He simply preached truth. He wasn't concerned about the number of people asking for His thoughts and advice. And Jesus, although a natural born leader, didn't thrust Himself into roles or positions that God did not call Him to. In fact, God called Him to a humbled, service-filled, submissive life. And even though I am sure some may have looked at that and wondered why Jesus didn't push for more, try to be the biggest and best, and attempt to be large and in charge, scripture makes it pretty clear. Jesus came to serve the least of these. Servant leadership, that is. Because through His service, Jesus lead people to God, and I suppose if we're really concerned about being a leader, that's the type of leader we should be. One who leads others to Christ. And it's not about how big, important, or significant our role is, rather it's how we carry out that role.

And so I'm trying. In all these new roles, I'm trying to be a servant leader just like Jesus was. To be submissive when I'm called to be submissive. To be supportive when support is needed. And to be ready and available to be used anywhere. Whether it be on the stage or behind the scenes, both are just as necessary and important in God's eyes.

#538 - Because we are just as important to God whether we are on the stage or behind the scenes.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." - Psalm 139:23-24

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