Reason #1000
I think this is how parents feel when they send their kids off to college. You know that day is coming, and you even know when it's coming. Some days, you're ready for it to arrive. Some days, you're hoping it will slow down. But that day comes and you quickly realize that you aren't ready for it. That's how I feel tonight.
My gem of a husband threw me a little celebration dinner tonight. It was so sweet to be surrounded by the people who have loved and supported me through out this entire endeavor. Celebrating with my parents, grandparents, in-laws, sister in law and brother (who attended in spirit) was the best way to end this journey. They have been my greatest prayer warriors and my strongest sources of encouragement. My family sat in the living room after dinner and they gifted me with some of the sweetest gifts. The sweetest thing, however, was the stack of letters written to me from those who've walked this journey with me. I sat in the bathtub and cried as I read each one. My heart is constantly humbled when I step back and realize what all God has entrusted to me. I could never thank Him enough for all He has done for me.
Who would have thought that during my darkest days God would have laid something on my heart to carry me up to the exact time that I sat out on this crazy, unexpected, unknown journey three years earlier? You know, people think going through a divorce is hard, but the hardest part is when it's finalized. Because until it's finalized, there's hope. Hope that maybe things will change. Hope that somehow it can be saved. But when it's final, all hope is gone. You realize that this is it. You have to start your life over, and that's a scary thought. And so my hardest moments began in January of 2011, and I know that's why God laid this on my heart at that exact time. It was no surprise to Him that I'd finish on this date. It's a beautiful reminder that God has been faithful to walk every step of the way with me. I never had to walk it alone.
My mom pointed out tonight that I had mentioned my conversations with Counselor Mark a few times throughout my blog. But she said, "God has really been your counselor, and we've been able to see what a 1000 day counseling session with God looks like." That is so true. Each day, God has been faithful to teach me. To help me understand. He has been able to help me move forward, move on, and find purpose in all things. That doesn't come by human knowledge and understanding. That comes from God. He is our Wonderful Counselor.
And so I look back over the past 1000 days, over the heartache, the joy, the suspense, the frustration, the highs, the lows, and everything in between, and I've learned this. When God lays something on your heart you should do it. It may seem outlandish. It may seem undoable. It may seem weird and wild and make no sense. You may think you aren't capable of such a task. You may not understand why He would ask this of you. You may not see the purpose. But when God entrusts you with a calling, accept it. Never once has my blog felt like a burden. Never once did I regret making the commitment to share my heart for 1000 days. I looked forward to each evening with anticipation. I couldn't wait to sit down and share what God was doing in my life, even when it was difficult. Because through it all, I was continuously reminded that God is faithful.
I'm just a girl. A girl with a story that I never expected. A girl who wants to honor God. Who wants to live a life that is pleasing to Him. A girl who desires to be used, who desires to live a life of purpose, abundance, and fruitfulness. One who desires to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I want to reflect the Lord in all things He has called me to. Big, small, and in between. I don't know what God has in store, but I know He knows. I know He has a purpose and a plan far greater than I could ever imagine, and I know He can accomplish more than I ever could on my own. He's got it taken care of and so I don't have to figure it out. I simply have to wait. Wait upon the Lord. "Blessed are those who wait on Him." (Isaiah 30:18)
#1000 - Because He never lets go of me.
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:23-26
My gem of a husband threw me a little celebration dinner tonight. It was so sweet to be surrounded by the people who have loved and supported me through out this entire endeavor. Celebrating with my parents, grandparents, in-laws, sister in law and brother (who attended in spirit) was the best way to end this journey. They have been my greatest prayer warriors and my strongest sources of encouragement. My family sat in the living room after dinner and they gifted me with some of the sweetest gifts. The sweetest thing, however, was the stack of letters written to me from those who've walked this journey with me. I sat in the bathtub and cried as I read each one. My heart is constantly humbled when I step back and realize what all God has entrusted to me. I could never thank Him enough for all He has done for me.
Who would have thought that during my darkest days God would have laid something on my heart to carry me up to the exact time that I sat out on this crazy, unexpected, unknown journey three years earlier? You know, people think going through a divorce is hard, but the hardest part is when it's finalized. Because until it's finalized, there's hope. Hope that maybe things will change. Hope that somehow it can be saved. But when it's final, all hope is gone. You realize that this is it. You have to start your life over, and that's a scary thought. And so my hardest moments began in January of 2011, and I know that's why God laid this on my heart at that exact time. It was no surprise to Him that I'd finish on this date. It's a beautiful reminder that God has been faithful to walk every step of the way with me. I never had to walk it alone.
My mom pointed out tonight that I had mentioned my conversations with Counselor Mark a few times throughout my blog. But she said, "God has really been your counselor, and we've been able to see what a 1000 day counseling session with God looks like." That is so true. Each day, God has been faithful to teach me. To help me understand. He has been able to help me move forward, move on, and find purpose in all things. That doesn't come by human knowledge and understanding. That comes from God. He is our Wonderful Counselor.
And so I look back over the past 1000 days, over the heartache, the joy, the suspense, the frustration, the highs, the lows, and everything in between, and I've learned this. When God lays something on your heart you should do it. It may seem outlandish. It may seem undoable. It may seem weird and wild and make no sense. You may think you aren't capable of such a task. You may not understand why He would ask this of you. You may not see the purpose. But when God entrusts you with a calling, accept it. Never once has my blog felt like a burden. Never once did I regret making the commitment to share my heart for 1000 days. I looked forward to each evening with anticipation. I couldn't wait to sit down and share what God was doing in my life, even when it was difficult. Because through it all, I was continuously reminded that God is faithful.
I'm just a girl. A girl with a story that I never expected. A girl who wants to honor God. Who wants to live a life that is pleasing to Him. A girl who desires to be used, who desires to live a life of purpose, abundance, and fruitfulness. One who desires to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I want to reflect the Lord in all things He has called me to. Big, small, and in between. I don't know what God has in store, but I know He knows. I know He has a purpose and a plan far greater than I could ever imagine, and I know He can accomplish more than I ever could on my own. He's got it taken care of and so I don't have to figure it out. I simply have to wait. Wait upon the Lord. "Blessed are those who wait on Him." (Isaiah 30:18)
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
-Matt Redman
#1000 - Because He never lets go of me.
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:23-26
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