Reason #993
Aaron and I sat at dinner tonight, and he said, "Well, the count down is on. You're almost there." One week, friends. One week from today, and I will have made it to 1000. Hard to believe, but really, it's harder for me to believe the end has finally arrived. He asked me if I knew what I was going to do this time next week, and I told him I planned to go back, re-read, and edit all of my posts. I told him if I could manage 3 a night, I'd be able to finish in a year. I tell you, it seems like I just started this thing yesterday. It sounds impossible that I've managed to type up a few years worth of material. But I told him I was looking forward to going back and reading each one. It would be a good trip down memory lane.
October holds so many vivid memories for me, and it was this time 3 years ago that reality began to sink in. I stayed home from work on Columbus Day, and my mission that day was to find a counselor. I woke up that morning and I asked my dad to drive around town with me in search of help. Sometimes it's hard to do things on your own. Divinely, my dad had the day off from work as well. The Lord knew I needed his company, and he agreed to go with me. I was embarking on a new journey by myself, and I didn't fully realize how scary, humiliating, and difficult it would be.
A friend of mine gave me the name to the counselor she and her husband had seen years earlier. I went to the counselor's office, and she was gone for the day. She was booked solid, and I felt like the receptionist didn't understand that I didn't have time to wait. This was an urgent issue, and so I asked my dad to drive me to my church home. We drove all the way across town, and I just knew that someone would be there who could help me. We walked into the church office and the receptionist informed me that there was no counselor on staff, and every single one of the ministers was out of the office that day if not for the rest of the week. She gave me the number to a counseling agency and recommended I give them a call. I walked out of the church office feeling defeated. Here I was running all over town trying to find help, and help was making itself scarce. With shaky hands, I dialed the number she gave me. A lady answered the phone, and I asked if any counselors had available sessions that day. I was given a strict timeline, and I knew waiting was not going to do any good. She replied that all of the counselors were booked, and she asked if I'd like to be placed on a waiting list. I wanted to cry. Tears burned in my eyes, and I wanted to throw the phone as hard as I could. I wanted to scream and yell and say, "Don't you understand? I can't wait! I am desperate! My world is quickly caving in and I don't have time to sit on a list and wait for someone to cancel. I need to get in there today because if it's not today, it may be never." But I told her that would be fine and I gave her my number.
Sometimes in life you can only do so much. It's true. You can jump through every hoop possible, and it still isn't enough. You can pull out every stop, play every trick in the book, and you're left empty handed. Sometimes, all you can do is all you can do, and you have to simply leave the rest to God.
Before we made it back to the house, my phone rang. It was the lady from the counseling agency. She said, "We had a cancellation at 5:30 tonight. Would you be able to come then?" I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Not only was I getting an appointment on the day I needed it, I was getting it at the time I needed it, too. I quickly agreed, and that night was one of the worst nights of my life. I came home by myself. I crawled into bed, and I could hardly sleep. Part of me was hopeful, but part of me knew deep down that this was it. This was the beginning of the end because it was going to take a miracle to change things. Not that I don't believe in miracles, but part of me understood that this was my reality. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to admit it or accept it, but I made a decision that I was going down fighting regardless. And so I told myself I'd do whatever God asked me to do. I was going to uphold the promise I had made to the Lord, and I trusted He'd keep His promise to uphold me.
Well, 3 years later I sit here completely amazed at what God has done in my life. Amazed how God really has worked all things out for my good. I look at Aaron and I really can't believe he is my husband. I told him that the other day, in fact. I certainly didn't deserve to marry such a man of integrity, wisdom, success, compassion, authenticity, kindness, and of course, good looks! I step back and I am amazed at how God has redeemed my life. At how everything about Aaron screams "Brittnye!" People often say things like, "They were made for each other," and I believe that statement holds true for us. And I reminded again that when we do what God asks of us, when we trust Him, uphold our promises, and lay the rest at His feet, He will take care of it. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy or turn out how we think it should. It doesn't mean that He is mad at us or punishing us if things go south. It simply means that God is doing a new thing. What new thing? Well, you have to hang in there with Him and see. You can't give up. You can't stop trusting Him. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know. But God has a plan. Through the heartache, the pain, confusion, and darkness, God is working. He never stops, never slumbers, never forgets about you. Do your part, leave the rest up to God. He knows what He is doing.
#993 - Because God always knows what He is doing.
"I look up to the mountains—does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you!The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever." - Psalm 121:1-8
October holds so many vivid memories for me, and it was this time 3 years ago that reality began to sink in. I stayed home from work on Columbus Day, and my mission that day was to find a counselor. I woke up that morning and I asked my dad to drive around town with me in search of help. Sometimes it's hard to do things on your own. Divinely, my dad had the day off from work as well. The Lord knew I needed his company, and he agreed to go with me. I was embarking on a new journey by myself, and I didn't fully realize how scary, humiliating, and difficult it would be.
A friend of mine gave me the name to the counselor she and her husband had seen years earlier. I went to the counselor's office, and she was gone for the day. She was booked solid, and I felt like the receptionist didn't understand that I didn't have time to wait. This was an urgent issue, and so I asked my dad to drive me to my church home. We drove all the way across town, and I just knew that someone would be there who could help me. We walked into the church office and the receptionist informed me that there was no counselor on staff, and every single one of the ministers was out of the office that day if not for the rest of the week. She gave me the number to a counseling agency and recommended I give them a call. I walked out of the church office feeling defeated. Here I was running all over town trying to find help, and help was making itself scarce. With shaky hands, I dialed the number she gave me. A lady answered the phone, and I asked if any counselors had available sessions that day. I was given a strict timeline, and I knew waiting was not going to do any good. She replied that all of the counselors were booked, and she asked if I'd like to be placed on a waiting list. I wanted to cry. Tears burned in my eyes, and I wanted to throw the phone as hard as I could. I wanted to scream and yell and say, "Don't you understand? I can't wait! I am desperate! My world is quickly caving in and I don't have time to sit on a list and wait for someone to cancel. I need to get in there today because if it's not today, it may be never." But I told her that would be fine and I gave her my number.
Sometimes in life you can only do so much. It's true. You can jump through every hoop possible, and it still isn't enough. You can pull out every stop, play every trick in the book, and you're left empty handed. Sometimes, all you can do is all you can do, and you have to simply leave the rest to God.
Before we made it back to the house, my phone rang. It was the lady from the counseling agency. She said, "We had a cancellation at 5:30 tonight. Would you be able to come then?" I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Not only was I getting an appointment on the day I needed it, I was getting it at the time I needed it, too. I quickly agreed, and that night was one of the worst nights of my life. I came home by myself. I crawled into bed, and I could hardly sleep. Part of me was hopeful, but part of me knew deep down that this was it. This was the beginning of the end because it was going to take a miracle to change things. Not that I don't believe in miracles, but part of me understood that this was my reality. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to admit it or accept it, but I made a decision that I was going down fighting regardless. And so I told myself I'd do whatever God asked me to do. I was going to uphold the promise I had made to the Lord, and I trusted He'd keep His promise to uphold me.
Well, 3 years later I sit here completely amazed at what God has done in my life. Amazed how God really has worked all things out for my good. I look at Aaron and I really can't believe he is my husband. I told him that the other day, in fact. I certainly didn't deserve to marry such a man of integrity, wisdom, success, compassion, authenticity, kindness, and of course, good looks! I step back and I am amazed at how God has redeemed my life. At how everything about Aaron screams "Brittnye!" People often say things like, "They were made for each other," and I believe that statement holds true for us. And I reminded again that when we do what God asks of us, when we trust Him, uphold our promises, and lay the rest at His feet, He will take care of it. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy or turn out how we think it should. It doesn't mean that He is mad at us or punishing us if things go south. It simply means that God is doing a new thing. What new thing? Well, you have to hang in there with Him and see. You can't give up. You can't stop trusting Him. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know. But God has a plan. Through the heartache, the pain, confusion, and darkness, God is working. He never stops, never slumbers, never forgets about you. Do your part, leave the rest up to God. He knows what He is doing.
#993 - Because God always knows what He is doing.
"I look up to the mountains—does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you!The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever." - Psalm 121:1-8
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