Reason #998
I texted my mom tonight to thank her for a delicious pot of beans she brought over to our house for dinner. I ended my text by saying I was about to write my third to last blog. I won't lie, my eyes immediately filled with tears. I realize this should be a joyous occasion. I have reached a milestone! The truth is, I'm not ready to be done. I'm not ready to end this thing. I almost wish I would have titled it 10,000 Reasons to Smile. If I threw an extra zero in, would anyone notice? Well, as it is, 1000 reasons will occur in two days, and I'm not ready to wrap up this chapter in my life.
There are so many things that are flooding my mind. So many things I want to write about, and thinking that I only have 3 more posts to spare makes it really hard. I feel pressured here, of course, I'm the only one applying said pressure. But all I've wanted for the past 998 days is for God to receive the glory from what He has been doing in my life. All I have wanted is to write words of hope and encouragement not only as a healing balm to my soul, but as help to others, too. My hopes were that maybe someone would read these posts and they'd come to know the Lord. Maybe they'd find life in these words. Maybe they would be set free from lies. Maybe they would be spurred on in their walk. And maybe they'd see Jesus in a way they never had before. Because the truth is, that's really all that matters. I've pretty much shared every part of this wild journey God has taken me on for the past 3 years, and I hope that's exactly what people see. I hope it's not just a story about a girl who had her heart broken but ended up with a wonderful happily ever after ending. I hope that through the honesty, through the pain, through the confusion and through all of the many surprises along the way, people have seen God's hand working and moving in a mighty way. I used to think I didn't have a testimony worth sharing, but anytime God does anything in our lives, it's worth telling.
We know bad things happen to good people. And sometimes, when bad things happen to good people, it's easy for good people to feel like bad people. It's easy for us to feel ashamed and full of regret. To live our lives in the shadows. It's easy to want to withdrawal and to distance ourselves from the world. And sometimes, when bad things happen to good people, it's easy to want to join the world. In our hurt and in our pain, it just seems like maybe it'd be easier to switch teams. We adopt the whole, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. I remember watching the movie "Juno" a while back. It's about a teenager who gets pregnant and decides to give her baby up for adoption. It sounds like a terrible movie, but it's actually good. Anyway, the woman who is going to adopt the baby tells Juno, "Your parents are probably wondering where you are." Juno replies, "Nah, I mean I'm already pregnant so what other kind of shenanigans can I get into?" And we think the same about ourselves, don't we?
I remember feeling like my life was over. Divorced at 24. Me, of all people, I thought. How could this have happened to me? And it was tempting to think, "Oh well, I'm divorced so who cares. I might as well give up trying and just settle for the fact that this is it." And I felt like a bad person. I felt like people would look at me with disgust the moment they knew this little fact about me. That it was too late to do anything good. I was tainted and ruined and had to spend the rest of my days living out a quiet, unproductive life. Who would want to listen to anything I had to say? I was a failure. And I felt like even my past didn't matter anymore. All of things I had done were overshadowed by this one event. This one bad thing that I was stuck with for the rest of my life.
Why does God let bad things happen to good people? Well, the truth is, none of us are really that good to be exempt from anything bad. And just because a bad thing happened doesn't mean that you are bad. Sure, maybe you made a bad decision, or maybe someone else made a bad decision that affected you. And yea, it may leave a lasting mark on your life, but it doesn't mean you're bad. It doesn't mean you're useless or worthless or insignificant. In fact, if you look at the bible, with the exception of Mary, God most often chose to use "bad" people. They all made bad decisions at one time or another and some bad stuff happened to each one of them. But through it, God was most glorified. You know, some of David's most beautiful Psalms we inspired by the bad things that had occurred in his life. Because through the bad things, we see redemption. We see God's hand at work. We realize God's strength, and we understand His abilities. It's in the difficulties that God's power is most evident as we learn that through our weakness His strength really is made perfect.
I would have never thought God would have chosen to use me in the ways He has. Before I was divorced, back when I tried so hard to be perfect, it made sense. I expected it. It added up in my mind. I figured that the more perfect my life was, the more God could do with me. I could be a better witness for Him, a better reflection of who He is. But I had it all wrong. It was in my brokenness that God chose to use me. It was because of my brokenness that He called me. God surely uses the foolish ways of the world to shame the wise, and I feel like I am one of those ways. It doesn't make sense, but then again, it does. Because God should receive all of the glory. Always. And how much more glorifying than to see God's light shining through our brokenness? The world doesn't expect that, and that's when they see our God. It's not in the steeples. It's not in the perfection. It's not in the cross necklaces or perfectly placed bumper stickers that they notice Him. It's in our lives, in our every day choices, and it is most exemplified in our choice to follow Him no matter what life throws our way.
John the Baptist said, "He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less." (John 3:30) And it truly is in our less that God is great!
#998 - Because it's in our less that we see God's greatness.
"I know the greatness of the Lord—that our Lord is greater than any other god." - Psalm 135:5
There are so many things that are flooding my mind. So many things I want to write about, and thinking that I only have 3 more posts to spare makes it really hard. I feel pressured here, of course, I'm the only one applying said pressure. But all I've wanted for the past 998 days is for God to receive the glory from what He has been doing in my life. All I have wanted is to write words of hope and encouragement not only as a healing balm to my soul, but as help to others, too. My hopes were that maybe someone would read these posts and they'd come to know the Lord. Maybe they'd find life in these words. Maybe they would be set free from lies. Maybe they would be spurred on in their walk. And maybe they'd see Jesus in a way they never had before. Because the truth is, that's really all that matters. I've pretty much shared every part of this wild journey God has taken me on for the past 3 years, and I hope that's exactly what people see. I hope it's not just a story about a girl who had her heart broken but ended up with a wonderful happily ever after ending. I hope that through the honesty, through the pain, through the confusion and through all of the many surprises along the way, people have seen God's hand working and moving in a mighty way. I used to think I didn't have a testimony worth sharing, but anytime God does anything in our lives, it's worth telling.
We know bad things happen to good people. And sometimes, when bad things happen to good people, it's easy for good people to feel like bad people. It's easy for us to feel ashamed and full of regret. To live our lives in the shadows. It's easy to want to withdrawal and to distance ourselves from the world. And sometimes, when bad things happen to good people, it's easy to want to join the world. In our hurt and in our pain, it just seems like maybe it'd be easier to switch teams. We adopt the whole, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. I remember watching the movie "Juno" a while back. It's about a teenager who gets pregnant and decides to give her baby up for adoption. It sounds like a terrible movie, but it's actually good. Anyway, the woman who is going to adopt the baby tells Juno, "Your parents are probably wondering where you are." Juno replies, "Nah, I mean I'm already pregnant so what other kind of shenanigans can I get into?" And we think the same about ourselves, don't we?
I remember feeling like my life was over. Divorced at 24. Me, of all people, I thought. How could this have happened to me? And it was tempting to think, "Oh well, I'm divorced so who cares. I might as well give up trying and just settle for the fact that this is it." And I felt like a bad person. I felt like people would look at me with disgust the moment they knew this little fact about me. That it was too late to do anything good. I was tainted and ruined and had to spend the rest of my days living out a quiet, unproductive life. Who would want to listen to anything I had to say? I was a failure. And I felt like even my past didn't matter anymore. All of things I had done were overshadowed by this one event. This one bad thing that I was stuck with for the rest of my life.
Why does God let bad things happen to good people? Well, the truth is, none of us are really that good to be exempt from anything bad. And just because a bad thing happened doesn't mean that you are bad. Sure, maybe you made a bad decision, or maybe someone else made a bad decision that affected you. And yea, it may leave a lasting mark on your life, but it doesn't mean you're bad. It doesn't mean you're useless or worthless or insignificant. In fact, if you look at the bible, with the exception of Mary, God most often chose to use "bad" people. They all made bad decisions at one time or another and some bad stuff happened to each one of them. But through it, God was most glorified. You know, some of David's most beautiful Psalms we inspired by the bad things that had occurred in his life. Because through the bad things, we see redemption. We see God's hand at work. We realize God's strength, and we understand His abilities. It's in the difficulties that God's power is most evident as we learn that through our weakness His strength really is made perfect.
I would have never thought God would have chosen to use me in the ways He has. Before I was divorced, back when I tried so hard to be perfect, it made sense. I expected it. It added up in my mind. I figured that the more perfect my life was, the more God could do with me. I could be a better witness for Him, a better reflection of who He is. But I had it all wrong. It was in my brokenness that God chose to use me. It was because of my brokenness that He called me. God surely uses the foolish ways of the world to shame the wise, and I feel like I am one of those ways. It doesn't make sense, but then again, it does. Because God should receive all of the glory. Always. And how much more glorifying than to see God's light shining through our brokenness? The world doesn't expect that, and that's when they see our God. It's not in the steeples. It's not in the perfection. It's not in the cross necklaces or perfectly placed bumper stickers that they notice Him. It's in our lives, in our every day choices, and it is most exemplified in our choice to follow Him no matter what life throws our way.
John the Baptist said, "He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less." (John 3:30) And it truly is in our less that God is great!
#998 - Because it's in our less that we see God's greatness.
"I know the greatness of the Lord—that our Lord is greater than any other god." - Psalm 135:5
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