Reason #677
It's December, let the chaos begin. Hard to believe we are in the final weeks of 2013. I'm too much of a reminiscent person sometimes. I really do feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting down typing my last post of 2012. It's obvious that time flies, and the holidays make it go by even faster.
So tonight is kind of a transparent post for me. I have strayed from these because I feel like they are more painful to get through than encouraging. But God is teaching me things about myself through the smallest, most simple things. That's how He brings about change most of the time. I mean really, think about Jesus. He came as a small and simple thing, a baby, and look what a huge change that brought about. And so the holidays have been a rebuilding time for me, especially this year.
I would have considered myself a festive person. I grew up helping my mom put a Christmas tree in every room of our house. We stuff Christmas balls in any and every container, and we hung them from the chandelier in the dining room. And although this sounds a bit too much, it wasn't. It was the right amount of décor. Perfect! And each year I would get an ornament from my great aunt. Another angel to add to the tree. We had family ornaments made, stockings that matched, and a perfectly organized Christmas celebration. My parents did a phenomenal job making each holiday beautiful and fun.
I moved away from home and into my first apartment, and that year we decorated. I bought a little tree to keep in my room with lights and decorations that coordinated with my bedspread. Every year, as my room décor changed, so did the ornaments on my tree. And every single year of my life, I made sure to have some sort of Christmas tree gracing my residence. Little twinkling lights shining through the night. A symbol of peace and hope, pointing straight up to Heaven as a reminder of the true joy of the season.
But all that changed two years ago. I remember making the comment that I was so mad my life was falling apart during the holidays. Truth be told, there's never really an ideal time for that. But the holidays bring memories with them, both good and bad. That year, for the first time in my life, I didn't put up a tree. I didn't set out a single Christmas decoration. I didn't hang lights or put my wreath on the door. I didn't care. Because it didn't matter how beautifully my house was decorated, it didn't matter how nice the presents were or how well planned out the festivities were, it didn't make life any better. No amount of Christmas cheer was going to change a thing, and it was then that I began to look at the whole season in a new light.
This year is mine and Aaron's first Christmas as a married couple. I was bound and determined that the holidays were going to be a super sweet time for us because, well, they should be. I was determined that when I thought back to Christmas, the only thoughts I had were how wonderful each year has been. I wanted to make sure that we were going to get started out on the right foot so that one day we could look back and say, "Oh child(ren), here is a picture of mine and your dad's first Christmas. This was how our tree was decorated, and although you think it looks weird, that was in style. And here is a funny story about that Christmas. That was the year we started this tradition that has carried forward." And with that mindset, I have had more internal struggles that I imagined. Crazy, I know. Because you're probably thinking, "Geez, it's just Christmas." But it's not "just Christmas" to me. This is the time of year people talk about when they are old and grey, and I just want to make sure we spend our Christmases full of joy rather than stress, anxiety, and fake happiness. Because Christmas really should be the most wonderful time of the year versus the most dreaded.
Christmas pictures threw me for a loop, as you all know. All of the sudden, I was overcome with anxiety about something that was so simple and easy. I fretted for no good reason, as I admitted yesterday, because I am so concerned about making everything perfect and beautiful so that nothing will go wrong. But here's the thing, that's impossible! Try it, you won't be able to do it either. And besides being impossible, it's unreasonable. Valiant, sure. But I figured if I could orchestrate everything just right, I'd never have to worry about having another bad holiday. Going forward, I was going to be sure that each one was pure bliss. Well, after spending weeks debating on whether or not to put up a tree and decorate it, and after almost developing a stomach ulcer from taking pictures, I realized that I had to stop this. I can't plan life out to be perfect. I can't make the holidays go one way or another. And the more I try, the more anxious I become. And the more anxious I become, the less joyful I am.
I looked at our Christmas pictures tonight. They turned out really well. My favorite picture was the one picture that was unplanned. They say a picture is worth a thousands words, and this one most definitely is. Because in this unorchestrated shot, I saw God's grace. I saw what God can do when we give up our well thought out plans, when we quit trying to orchestrate a perfect life for ourselves, and we let His plan prevail. That's beauty of the simplicity of God. If we just trust Him, He will work things out. And when we stop trying to have our hand in everything and just lay everything in His hand, He will never disappoint.
Unorchestrated lives are the most beautiful because even though we may not understand the tune that is playing out, the conductor will bring it all together in the end and orchestrate our lives into a beautiful and brilliant masterpiece.
#677 - Because He turns our unorchestrated lives into brilliant and beautiful masterpieces.
"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." - Proverbs 19:21
So tonight is kind of a transparent post for me. I have strayed from these because I feel like they are more painful to get through than encouraging. But God is teaching me things about myself through the smallest, most simple things. That's how He brings about change most of the time. I mean really, think about Jesus. He came as a small and simple thing, a baby, and look what a huge change that brought about. And so the holidays have been a rebuilding time for me, especially this year.
I would have considered myself a festive person. I grew up helping my mom put a Christmas tree in every room of our house. We stuff Christmas balls in any and every container, and we hung them from the chandelier in the dining room. And although this sounds a bit too much, it wasn't. It was the right amount of décor. Perfect! And each year I would get an ornament from my great aunt. Another angel to add to the tree. We had family ornaments made, stockings that matched, and a perfectly organized Christmas celebration. My parents did a phenomenal job making each holiday beautiful and fun.
I moved away from home and into my first apartment, and that year we decorated. I bought a little tree to keep in my room with lights and decorations that coordinated with my bedspread. Every year, as my room décor changed, so did the ornaments on my tree. And every single year of my life, I made sure to have some sort of Christmas tree gracing my residence. Little twinkling lights shining through the night. A symbol of peace and hope, pointing straight up to Heaven as a reminder of the true joy of the season.
But all that changed two years ago. I remember making the comment that I was so mad my life was falling apart during the holidays. Truth be told, there's never really an ideal time for that. But the holidays bring memories with them, both good and bad. That year, for the first time in my life, I didn't put up a tree. I didn't set out a single Christmas decoration. I didn't hang lights or put my wreath on the door. I didn't care. Because it didn't matter how beautifully my house was decorated, it didn't matter how nice the presents were or how well planned out the festivities were, it didn't make life any better. No amount of Christmas cheer was going to change a thing, and it was then that I began to look at the whole season in a new light.
This year is mine and Aaron's first Christmas as a married couple. I was bound and determined that the holidays were going to be a super sweet time for us because, well, they should be. I was determined that when I thought back to Christmas, the only thoughts I had were how wonderful each year has been. I wanted to make sure that we were going to get started out on the right foot so that one day we could look back and say, "Oh child(ren), here is a picture of mine and your dad's first Christmas. This was how our tree was decorated, and although you think it looks weird, that was in style. And here is a funny story about that Christmas. That was the year we started this tradition that has carried forward." And with that mindset, I have had more internal struggles that I imagined. Crazy, I know. Because you're probably thinking, "Geez, it's just Christmas." But it's not "just Christmas" to me. This is the time of year people talk about when they are old and grey, and I just want to make sure we spend our Christmases full of joy rather than stress, anxiety, and fake happiness. Because Christmas really should be the most wonderful time of the year versus the most dreaded.
Christmas pictures threw me for a loop, as you all know. All of the sudden, I was overcome with anxiety about something that was so simple and easy. I fretted for no good reason, as I admitted yesterday, because I am so concerned about making everything perfect and beautiful so that nothing will go wrong. But here's the thing, that's impossible! Try it, you won't be able to do it either. And besides being impossible, it's unreasonable. Valiant, sure. But I figured if I could orchestrate everything just right, I'd never have to worry about having another bad holiday. Going forward, I was going to be sure that each one was pure bliss. Well, after spending weeks debating on whether or not to put up a tree and decorate it, and after almost developing a stomach ulcer from taking pictures, I realized that I had to stop this. I can't plan life out to be perfect. I can't make the holidays go one way or another. And the more I try, the more anxious I become. And the more anxious I become, the less joyful I am.
I looked at our Christmas pictures tonight. They turned out really well. My favorite picture was the one picture that was unplanned. They say a picture is worth a thousands words, and this one most definitely is. Because in this unorchestrated shot, I saw God's grace. I saw what God can do when we give up our well thought out plans, when we quit trying to orchestrate a perfect life for ourselves, and we let His plan prevail. That's beauty of the simplicity of God. If we just trust Him, He will work things out. And when we stop trying to have our hand in everything and just lay everything in His hand, He will never disappoint.
Unorchestrated lives are the most beautiful because even though we may not understand the tune that is playing out, the conductor will bring it all together in the end and orchestrate our lives into a beautiful and brilliant masterpiece.
#677 - Because He turns our unorchestrated lives into brilliant and beautiful masterpieces.
"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." - Proverbs 19:21
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