Reason #101
Some days, I get really discouraged. Some days, I start to doubt. I question and I wonder. Some days, I'm just not sure. The other night, I was talking on the phone with my grandmother and she said, "Brittnye, we know God answers prayers, but I have never witnessed Him answer so many prayers so quickly in someone's life like He has in yours." He answers, and I know that. I've seen it, experienced it first hand. So you think I wouldn't fall into the trap of doubt and discouragement so easily. But I'm a dirt clod. And I realize that I get discouraged because most of the answers are opposite of what I'm praying for. "God, are you sure this is what you want to do? Are you sure this is the path you want me to take? Are you sure this isn't the right decision?"
And I doubt myself, too. I'm too young, too inexperienced, not qualified. I'm just an ordinary, small town girl. A girl who is insecure. A girl who could give you a lengthy list of good arguments to convince you that I'm nothing special. My own worst enemy. I'm one who avoids having to put herself out there too far just in case things don't happen as planned. A cautious planner. In fact, I usually go ahead and make excuses for the worst case scenario so that when it happens, I won't be shocked or let down. That way, I can say, "Well, I was right. I figured that would happen."
Yesterday was a very challenging day, personally. As I sat in church, the Lord laid heavy on my heart to be more, do more, to stop making excuses, and to stop putting off what He's asking because of my insecurities. Truthfully, when I look at myself, I see someone who is just broken and unuseable. I go ahead and make excuses for the Lord as to why He probably won't want to use me. It doesn't take rocket surgery to figure out why I have put myself in the "unqualified pile." Who wants to hear from a 24 year old divorced girl? What do I have to say that is worth any value? I don't feel like I have much to bring to the table. And as I sat in church, the pastor painted a beautiful analogy by using the statue David, carved by Michaelangelo, as an example. He said the rock that David was sculpted from was initially rejected by three different sculptors. When those artists looked at the rock, they saw big fault-lines running through it. When Michaelangelo looked at the rock, he saw David. A masterpiece to be admired for centuries. One of the most iconic pieces of art to exist. His most famous, well known piece of work. From a cracked rock, he saw the image of a warrior. A king. A victorious man. A man who made mistakes, but a man after God's own heart.
And I began to wonder what God sees when He looks at me. I see fault lines, cracks, dents, holes, imperfection all over. But does He see a masterpiece? Something more? Does He see what He can create from this rock verses what He can't?
So I laid in bed last night and I wrestled with what He was asking me to do. I finally gave in and put myself out there, but I went ahead and prepared myself with excuses for the worst case scenario so that when I received a response, I could say, "See, I knew that would happen."
And at 8:30 tonight, I received that response, the one I had prepared myself for all day... and I was wrong. This faulty rock had doubted all day only to be shown that her sculptor knew what He was doing.
Chisel here, chisel there... turning this rock into something. I don't know what, but something. And sometimes, I'm a little doubtful about the shape I'm taking on. I'm not quite sure what the sculptor is trying to create, but I'm trusting in His vision. Trusting that when I do what He asks, no matter how unqualified I feel, He'll use it to create a masterpiece, one that can only be made by His hands.
#101 - Because He has a vision for me.
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."- Ephesians 2:10
"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it." - Psalm 139:14
And I doubt myself, too. I'm too young, too inexperienced, not qualified. I'm just an ordinary, small town girl. A girl who is insecure. A girl who could give you a lengthy list of good arguments to convince you that I'm nothing special. My own worst enemy. I'm one who avoids having to put herself out there too far just in case things don't happen as planned. A cautious planner. In fact, I usually go ahead and make excuses for the worst case scenario so that when it happens, I won't be shocked or let down. That way, I can say, "Well, I was right. I figured that would happen."
Yesterday was a very challenging day, personally. As I sat in church, the Lord laid heavy on my heart to be more, do more, to stop making excuses, and to stop putting off what He's asking because of my insecurities. Truthfully, when I look at myself, I see someone who is just broken and unuseable. I go ahead and make excuses for the Lord as to why He probably won't want to use me. It doesn't take rocket surgery to figure out why I have put myself in the "unqualified pile." Who wants to hear from a 24 year old divorced girl? What do I have to say that is worth any value? I don't feel like I have much to bring to the table. And as I sat in church, the pastor painted a beautiful analogy by using the statue David, carved by Michaelangelo, as an example. He said the rock that David was sculpted from was initially rejected by three different sculptors. When those artists looked at the rock, they saw big fault-lines running through it. When Michaelangelo looked at the rock, he saw David. A masterpiece to be admired for centuries. One of the most iconic pieces of art to exist. His most famous, well known piece of work. From a cracked rock, he saw the image of a warrior. A king. A victorious man. A man who made mistakes, but a man after God's own heart.
And I began to wonder what God sees when He looks at me. I see fault lines, cracks, dents, holes, imperfection all over. But does He see a masterpiece? Something more? Does He see what He can create from this rock verses what He can't?
So I laid in bed last night and I wrestled with what He was asking me to do. I finally gave in and put myself out there, but I went ahead and prepared myself with excuses for the worst case scenario so that when I received a response, I could say, "See, I knew that would happen."
And at 8:30 tonight, I received that response, the one I had prepared myself for all day... and I was wrong. This faulty rock had doubted all day only to be shown that her sculptor knew what He was doing.
Chisel here, chisel there... turning this rock into something. I don't know what, but something. And sometimes, I'm a little doubtful about the shape I'm taking on. I'm not quite sure what the sculptor is trying to create, but I'm trusting in His vision. Trusting that when I do what He asks, no matter how unqualified I feel, He'll use it to create a masterpiece, one that can only be made by His hands.
#101 - Because He has a vision for me.
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."- Ephesians 2:10
"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it." - Psalm 139:14
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