Reason #92
I was out running errands yesterday. I pulled up to a stoplight and
noticed that the man in the truck two lanes over from me was sticking
his head out of the window and talking to a lady in the car that was in
the lane between us. I actually recognized this person, as he is from my
home town, and the lady he was talking to was his wife (who is one of
the most beautiful people I have seen in real life, by the way). I began
to pay attention to their conversation and noticed that he was asking
about their kids. Well, from what I could pick up, she told him that the
baby was asleep. Then, he pulled forward a little more so that their
little boy could also see him. I sat there for the duration of the light
watching this precious little family lovingly communicate with one
another. And as I drove off, thinking about how cute this encounter was,
the arrows began to strike me. And the enemy whispered in my ear, "You
know you'll never have that, right? You do understand you'll never have
someone look at you that way, don't you? You need to come to terms with
the fact that you'll never have little bodies to hold close and chubby
cheeks to cover with kisses. Don't even expect to ever again have strong
arms embrace you or a warm hand to hold. Surely you realize, by now,
that you'll never be the object of someone's affection like that."
I've done my fair share of asking "Why me?" as I've walked down this path, but yesterday, a new question came up, "Why everyone else?" And so I got carried away with asking, "Why them, Lord? Why is everyone else being showered with these blessings, with my desires? What are they doing that's so right? What are they doing differently than I am? I'll admit, I started to get really petty about it, too. I had just gone to the dermatologist, so I even asked, "Why does every other adult have clear skin?" I know, I know. And I started to take this question and just run with it. And by the time I woke up this morning, I was feeling miserable. Sad. Hopeless. And I hate that! God is healing and working and moving in my life in such a mighty way that you'd think I'd be able to set the pettiness aside and not let little things like this get the best of me. I still have a lot of growing to do.
Isn't this life though? We always want what others have. We think the grass is greener on the other side, but that's because we are always looking over there rather than where we are. Usually, we get to the other side and quickly realize that we were on the greener side to begin with and chose to leave it. And I get so caught up looking at everyone else's grass and I begin to feel discouraged. I want my grass to be the same shade of green. I feel like the Lord and I have been doing much yard work, but it seems as if I'll never get there.
Well, I have learned, as I've been on this roller coaster ride, that I will have bad days mixed in with the good. I've also learned that I can drag my bad days out forever if I don't nip them in the bud. So, tonight, my mom treated me to an incredible concert. I would prefer to call it a worship experience rather than a concert because that is exactly what it was. I was starting to sink under the waves today, and I knew I desperately needed an encounter with my Life Saver and I needed it soon. As I got ready for the concert, I told Him that I needed to feel Him tonight. I needed to experience Him. I needed Him to save me from myself, again, so I was going with the expectation to meet Him and to be pulled up from the waves, again. And my expectations were far exceeded.
Jason Gray was one of the artists in concert tonight. He sang a song called "Nothing is Wasted," and I felt like that song was written for me. It was if the Lord was singing a love song to me through this man, reminding me that He sees me. He hears me. And the tears poured down my face. Not tears of sadness but tears of gratitude. Tears of praise. You've probably noticed that I cry quite a bit, but God speaks to me so powerfully through music. So I sat there and soaked up every word and my sorrows started melting away. And I could feel Him begin to embrace me and He whispered to me, "I will always give you everything you need. No one will ever love you like I do. No one will ever love you more than I do. You are the object of my affection." And sometimes I wonder, is this all in vain? Why this path? Why so many tears? Why such heartache? Is there a purpose? But tonight He reminded me, once again, of His sovereignty. He reminded me, once again, He will bring purpose from the pain, beauty from the wreckage. And I praise Him for the truth that when it is in His hands, nothing is wasted.
#92 - Because nothing is wasted.
"And when I bring you back, people will say, ‘This former wasteland is now like the Garden of Eden! The abandoned and ruined cities now have strong walls...I, the Lord, have rebuilt the ruins and replanted the wasteland. For I, the Lord, have spoken, and I will do what I say." - Ezekiel 36:35-36
I've done my fair share of asking "Why me?" as I've walked down this path, but yesterday, a new question came up, "Why everyone else?" And so I got carried away with asking, "Why them, Lord? Why is everyone else being showered with these blessings, with my desires? What are they doing that's so right? What are they doing differently than I am? I'll admit, I started to get really petty about it, too. I had just gone to the dermatologist, so I even asked, "Why does every other adult have clear skin?" I know, I know. And I started to take this question and just run with it. And by the time I woke up this morning, I was feeling miserable. Sad. Hopeless. And I hate that! God is healing and working and moving in my life in such a mighty way that you'd think I'd be able to set the pettiness aside and not let little things like this get the best of me. I still have a lot of growing to do.
Isn't this life though? We always want what others have. We think the grass is greener on the other side, but that's because we are always looking over there rather than where we are. Usually, we get to the other side and quickly realize that we were on the greener side to begin with and chose to leave it. And I get so caught up looking at everyone else's grass and I begin to feel discouraged. I want my grass to be the same shade of green. I feel like the Lord and I have been doing much yard work, but it seems as if I'll never get there.
Well, I have learned, as I've been on this roller coaster ride, that I will have bad days mixed in with the good. I've also learned that I can drag my bad days out forever if I don't nip them in the bud. So, tonight, my mom treated me to an incredible concert. I would prefer to call it a worship experience rather than a concert because that is exactly what it was. I was starting to sink under the waves today, and I knew I desperately needed an encounter with my Life Saver and I needed it soon. As I got ready for the concert, I told Him that I needed to feel Him tonight. I needed to experience Him. I needed Him to save me from myself, again, so I was going with the expectation to meet Him and to be pulled up from the waves, again. And my expectations were far exceeded.
Jason Gray was one of the artists in concert tonight. He sang a song called "Nothing is Wasted," and I felt like that song was written for me. It was if the Lord was singing a love song to me through this man, reminding me that He sees me. He hears me. And the tears poured down my face. Not tears of sadness but tears of gratitude. Tears of praise. You've probably noticed that I cry quite a bit, but God speaks to me so powerfully through music. So I sat there and soaked up every word and my sorrows started melting away. And I could feel Him begin to embrace me and He whispered to me, "I will always give you everything you need. No one will ever love you like I do. No one will ever love you more than I do. You are the object of my affection." And sometimes I wonder, is this all in vain? Why this path? Why so many tears? Why such heartache? Is there a purpose? But tonight He reminded me, once again, of His sovereignty. He reminded me, once again, He will bring purpose from the pain, beauty from the wreckage. And I praise Him for the truth that when it is in His hands, nothing is wasted.
#92 - Because nothing is wasted.
"And when I bring you back, people will say, ‘This former wasteland is now like the Garden of Eden! The abandoned and ruined cities now have strong walls...I, the Lord, have rebuilt the ruins and replanted the wasteland. For I, the Lord, have spoken, and I will do what I say." - Ezekiel 36:35-36
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