Reason #249
Some times your worst fears come to fruition. Some times, whether or not you're prepared, you have to face them. Some times your worst fears aren't even for yourself. And some times, they catch you completely off guard.
Fear is the theme this week, and so slowly but surely the Lord is faithfully working with me through this. Fear 101. But God, who is so generous and compassionate, is a kind teacher. Careful and gentle to teach me, to ease me into the lesson and uphold me the entire time. Fear and tear rhyme and I think there's a reason behind it. I've realized, as I've faced many of my biggest fears, tears have accompanied them. Tears are close by when fear is present. And so, tonight, the as the Lord began to teach me yet another lesson over fear, those warm salty tears trailed the familar path down my cheeks.
Some times you have plans and for one reason or another, your plans are thwarted. I am a planner deluxe. A girl who thrives on routine. But I've been praying and praying over and over for a particular opportunity. A scary opportunity, yes, but one I knew I needed. I wasn't sure how it would come about. I had been racking my brain trying to figure out how this would get accomplished and I just couldn't come up with a good plan. God answers prayers. When you earnestly ask, He earnestly answers. Some answers come in easy forms, some come quickly, some take a while, and some rock you to the core.
So I sat in my living room tonight as God held my hand through yet another one of my biggest fears. My heart began to race as I quickly realized this was exactly what I had been praying for. My answer in a form I didn't expect at all. Totally unprepared. But I did the only thing I knew to do. I did the thing I had been asking for. I mustered up my courage and I pulled a brick off of my "wall" (not literally speaking). The wall of protection, the wall of bravery, the wall of security began to crack a little bit tonight. And as I poured my heart out, as I threw myself in a totally state of vulnerability and humility, I was met with grace. Grace, acceptance, compassion and understanding. I'll be really honest and say that I wasn't particularly happy about removing this brick. This wasn't quite the timing I was hoping for, however, I've come to realize if we acted when we felt most prepared, we'd never get anything accomplished. But as I continued to make the most of this opportunity that had presented itself, I found that it wasn't so bad. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. In fact, it completely demolished my preconceived fear and began to replace it with peace, assurance and joy. And I was so grateful that this was the turn of events. So grateful that this was going completely opposite than I had feared. Grateful, so very grateful for the opportunity to be real, to be honest, and to be accepted inspite of it all.
This is God. This is His love in the fullest capacity. Because sometimes we find ourselves sitting at His feet, with a head hanging in humiliation, face soaked in tears, shameful eyes that can't bear to make contact, and we pour out our vulnerable, tender souls. As the tears flow, so does the hurt. And it can be quite uncomfortable, slightly embarrassing, too. But it's necessary. Because going deeper requires it. Going deeper can have its ugly moments. But going deeper has its benefits. And so, He lifts the hanging head, makes eye contact with the shameful eyes, and He wipes away the stinging tears all the while saying, "I love you. I see you. I feel for you, with you. I accept you just the way you are. You can't scare me away or change my thoughts about you. You're mine, forever. You're mine, regardless. I'm proud to call you my own. I'm glad to walk every step of the way with you. I'm still crazy about you... always have been, always will be."
#249 - Seizing fearful opportunities only to be met with grace and acceptance.
"Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory." - Romans 15:7
Fear is the theme this week, and so slowly but surely the Lord is faithfully working with me through this. Fear 101. But God, who is so generous and compassionate, is a kind teacher. Careful and gentle to teach me, to ease me into the lesson and uphold me the entire time. Fear and tear rhyme and I think there's a reason behind it. I've realized, as I've faced many of my biggest fears, tears have accompanied them. Tears are close by when fear is present. And so, tonight, the as the Lord began to teach me yet another lesson over fear, those warm salty tears trailed the familar path down my cheeks.
Some times you have plans and for one reason or another, your plans are thwarted. I am a planner deluxe. A girl who thrives on routine. But I've been praying and praying over and over for a particular opportunity. A scary opportunity, yes, but one I knew I needed. I wasn't sure how it would come about. I had been racking my brain trying to figure out how this would get accomplished and I just couldn't come up with a good plan. God answers prayers. When you earnestly ask, He earnestly answers. Some answers come in easy forms, some come quickly, some take a while, and some rock you to the core.
So I sat in my living room tonight as God held my hand through yet another one of my biggest fears. My heart began to race as I quickly realized this was exactly what I had been praying for. My answer in a form I didn't expect at all. Totally unprepared. But I did the only thing I knew to do. I did the thing I had been asking for. I mustered up my courage and I pulled a brick off of my "wall" (not literally speaking). The wall of protection, the wall of bravery, the wall of security began to crack a little bit tonight. And as I poured my heart out, as I threw myself in a totally state of vulnerability and humility, I was met with grace. Grace, acceptance, compassion and understanding. I'll be really honest and say that I wasn't particularly happy about removing this brick. This wasn't quite the timing I was hoping for, however, I've come to realize if we acted when we felt most prepared, we'd never get anything accomplished. But as I continued to make the most of this opportunity that had presented itself, I found that it wasn't so bad. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. In fact, it completely demolished my preconceived fear and began to replace it with peace, assurance and joy. And I was so grateful that this was the turn of events. So grateful that this was going completely opposite than I had feared. Grateful, so very grateful for the opportunity to be real, to be honest, and to be accepted inspite of it all.
This is God. This is His love in the fullest capacity. Because sometimes we find ourselves sitting at His feet, with a head hanging in humiliation, face soaked in tears, shameful eyes that can't bear to make contact, and we pour out our vulnerable, tender souls. As the tears flow, so does the hurt. And it can be quite uncomfortable, slightly embarrassing, too. But it's necessary. Because going deeper requires it. Going deeper can have its ugly moments. But going deeper has its benefits. And so, He lifts the hanging head, makes eye contact with the shameful eyes, and He wipes away the stinging tears all the while saying, "I love you. I see you. I feel for you, with you. I accept you just the way you are. You can't scare me away or change my thoughts about you. You're mine, forever. You're mine, regardless. I'm proud to call you my own. I'm glad to walk every step of the way with you. I'm still crazy about you... always have been, always will be."
#249 - Seizing fearful opportunities only to be met with grace and acceptance.
"Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory." - Romans 15:7
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