Reason #259

Today was a long day. I got to work early and 11 hours later, I finally made it home. Friday night, thank goodness! I changed into my usual evening attire, which consists of sweatpants, and decided to treat myself to a visit to nail salon. I grabbed my magazine, stopped to get a diet coke to drink on the way, and then enjoyed a good hour and half of pampering, which was just what my tired feet needed. My evening continued to be filled with favorite things, as I discovered that I can now get Nutella flavored frozen yogurt. Quite close to a perfect night! An evening full of things I enjoy, things I love, and only the things I really wanted to do.

It's nice to have it your way. You can "have it your way" at Burger King, the Backstreet Boys "want it that way," and of course, "there is my way, or there's the highway." It's nice to get what you want. But maybe, sometimes, you feel like you never get what you want. Maybe, sometimes, you look around and it seems as if everyone else is getting exactly what you want. And sometimes, we just do what we want to get what we want no matter the cost.

I've struggled with this my whole life, wanting simply to want. I want to work here, I want to look like this, I want to have that, I want to be able to accomplish this, I want this talent, I want that particular trait, I want this outcome, I want this ability... want, want, want. And all the while, I begin to lose sight of what the Lord wants for me. I close my mind off to anything else because I know what I want, and I want to make sure I get it. And so I begin to work towards this want only to unfortunately find out that it wasn't what I needed. Disappointment sets in and I become discouraged. Why did this not turn out like I thought it would? Why didn't it work? Why did it have to go this way, be this hard? Was it too much to ask for?

But I've come to learn that when our "wants" don't match up with what He wants for us, disappointment is inevitable. When our wants are not in line with what He wants, heartache seems to be a by-product. Because there is a difference in wanting and needing, and rarely do we know what we need. And so this has been a tough lesson for me to learn, as I've felt some what slighted because I didn't get what I wanted. I pushed and I tried. I questioned and I wasn't happy about it. I should have gotten exactly what I wanted because, to me, it seemed like a good enough option, a good enough plan. Oh, but God doesn't just give us what's "good enough" and God doesn't give us what we want, no, He gives us exactly what we need.

Long ago, He knew what I needed. Deep down, I knew it, too, but I lost sight. I let selfishness get in the way and my vision was blurred. My way, things should happen my way. But a downward spiral caught my attention and I began to let go of what I wanted. I began to pray for what He wanted. I wasn't exactly sure what it was, but I knew that if I sought Him, if my heart would line up with His, He would give me what was best for me. And so I prayed about it. I had already prayed about it a long time, but now I prayed more fervently than before. I quit praying about what I wanted, but rather asked God what He wanted for me, and as I did this, my vision began to clear up.

It hit me the other day, as I was sharing and discussing, that I got what I wanted. That's right, I got "my way." But the more I thought about it, the more I talked about, I realized that I got what I wanted because, as I sought the Lord and asked Him what He wanted for me, He took away my selfish wants and replaced them with what He wanted for me all along, which, in turn, was exactly what I needed. But it took some time, some trial and error, and a little confusion to finally see it. And I realized that it's working, it's not discouraging or disappointing. It's not hard, and it wasn't too much to ask for. Because He really does want the best for us. And so I'm grateful to serve a God who will give us what we want only when what we want matches up with what He wants for us. And truth be told, when the Lord's desires become your desires, you'll get exactly what you want everytime because it will be just what you need. You may not know it at the time, or you may be fully aware, but once He blesses you with exactly what you need, you won't want for more.

#259 - Because He blesses us with what we need so that there is no need to want for more.

"Lord, you are mine! I promise to obey your words! With all my heart I want your blessings. Be merciful as you promised." - Psalm 119:57-58

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