Reason #481

If you asked me how I feel right now, I couldn’t put it into words. The truth is, I’ve never felt this way before, and if I have, I don’t remember it at all. I don’t want to sleep, and I can’t sleep. I have really crazy dreams because my mind is running wild. Stuffed full with emotion, nerves, anxiety (the good kind), and excitement. I don’t know how I am going to make it to Friday. I’ve practiced deep breathing all day today, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. It’s as if I’m in the middle of this incredible dream and I’m not waking up. The anticipation is killing me. And, truth be told, I’m still having a hard time believing this is a reality.

 

Amazing the variety of emotions we can feel, isn’t it? From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, and there are so many in between. And they change quickly, or at least mine do. I think that’s the problem right now. I go from joy, to worry, to excited, to nervous, to stressed, to grateful, and this is within a 24 hour period. I can’t even imagine the wreck I will be when I have a child. I’m sure I’ll get to experience a whole new realm of emotions then. Good thing that will be a while.

 

I laid in the bath tub for an hour last night. I got lost in a really good book that I'm trying my best to finish sooner than later. It was magical. For one hour, I didn't think about anything other than the storyline. For one hour, I didn't worry or stress or feel any anxiety. If the bath water would have stayed warmer longer, I may have actually finished that book. And tonight, I went to get my nails and toes done with my mom. We ate sandwiches as our feet soaked and it was really nice to have to sit still for a bit. The evenings always pass too quickly, and I've finally made my way into bed. Almost time to call it a night. I learned from last night and took a few Tylenol PM's and silenced my phone. I have the day off tomorrow and I fully intend to spend a few extra hours asleep if possible. Because this is the next to last night I'll be lying in bed alone. This is the next to last night that it will just be Scout and I snuggled up while I vigorously type away. After tomorrow night, there is no more just me. No more doing things my way, following my schedule, or using the word "mine." The day after tomorrow turns into "ours." We will do things our way, according to our schedule. And so another chapter is quickly coming to an end. An end of me and beginning of us. And even though my emotions are raging, my mind is racing, my sleep is lacking, and my heart is pounding, I'm ready for it. Ready to be there. Ready to move forward and on to new things, new beginnings, new living situations, new surroundings, new sounds and smells and ways of doing things. New challenges, new victories, new memories and new experiences. But tonight and tomorrow I'm going to enjoy this last bit of my chapter. The last little bit of me and just me. And I'll say it's been good. It's been good to be me for a season. It's been good to have this time and this chapter. To learn what I've learned, to grow how I've grown, to experience the things I've been able to experience. This is a chapter that shaped and formed me more than any other one, and this is a season that has been most life-changing to date. They say singleness isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but I would disagree. Singleness is a good season. Singleness has many benefits and pro's. But I'll gladly trade them in for him. For Aaron, that is, because he's doing the same for me. And so tonight we'll be Brittnye and Aaron, tomorrow night, too. But then that page will turn for the last time, the pen will pick up from writing that chapter, and as that fresh page is turned, we start our new chapter as the Davis'.

 

#481 - For the chapter I was given to be me and the chapter I'll start as us!

 

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1