Reason #492
Since the day we said "I do," I have had almost every ailment a girl can have. You know, when you get married, you have to be vulnerable. You're sharing a space with someone so they get to see the good, the bad, and the unmentionable. Aaron has had to witness more than I would have liked for him to see in two weeks of marriage. Tonight's chosen ailment: a slight case of food poisoning from leftover Chinese food. I suppose we're just getting all my awkward moments out up front. There's a first time for everything, huh?
This morning we got to teach Sunday school together for the first time. This was something I was really looking forward to. In fact, I've been praying for this for a long time. I love teaching, and getting to do something you love with someone you love is even better. Anyhow, my prayer has always been that I would have someone to serve with. Someone who would pursue the Lord with me, challenge me, and lead me. And, to be honest, I didn't think I would ever get that.
We were reminiscing last night about the first time we met. Our relationship was the most interesting, easy, unusual, dating relationship I've ever had. In fact, we couldn't even tell you when things changed and we decided that we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Really, it caught both of us off guard because neither one of us expected it to go anywhere. We went into it thinking, "Why not? I'll give it a shot and we'll just see." And, even though I hardly knew Aaron, I was just pretty sure I knew that I didn't stand a chance. Maybe, you're like me. Maybe, you know what I mean by that. Because I felt worthless and broken. Tainted, imperfect, and not good enough. Why would someone like Aaron ever want to be associated with a girl like me? He deserved much more. He deserved someone just like him. And, honestly, I thought that was fair. I wasn't going to blame him if he never called or quickly changed his mind. Just being around him for a short amount of time, I saw it. I saw the kind of man he was, and I felt like he needed to be paired up with a really incredible girl.
I felt like I deserved what I was worth, which wasn't much at the time. I felt like I needed someone of "equal value." Someone who was also broken, hurt, abandoned, rejected. Someone who had matching baggage. Someone who had been through the same thing I had. That would make sense to me. Yet the Lord had different things in mind, and today, as we talked about good works and actions during Sunday school, I was reminded of that.
You see, we accept the kind of love that we think we deserve. And maybe, somewhere along the way, we were hurt. Hurt by a friend, a parent, or someone really close to us. We were damaged and bruised and we feel less. Less of a person, less deserving, less loveable, less worthy. But that's not truth. And the beauty of God's grace is that we don't have to live a life expecting and accepting less. In fact, when God looks at us, that's not what He sees. Because the truth is, no matter how we behaved or acted, we never deserved anything good in the first place. All good things come from God, and no matter how well we behave or don't behave, He loves us the same. God doesn't look at our lives and say, "Oh, you did everything right all of the time and because of that I'm giving you really super good things." He also doesn't say, "Oh, you messed up along the way and made some mistakes and so now I'm only going to give you decent things because you aren't as deserving." No, God looks at us and He says, "I know your heart. I love you more than you will ever understand. And because you trust me, because you've sought me, because I am good, and because I am for you, I am going to give you your heart's desires. Not because you do or don't deserve them, but because I am a gracious God."
And I can't tell you how thankful I am for that grace. Maybe I am getting way more than it seems I deserve, and it's true. I never deserved any of it in the first place, and I sure don't now. But God is gracious, and I praise Him every day for not making me live a life of less but giving me a beautiful, full, free, abundant life.
#492- Because I don't have to live a life expecting or accepting less.
"But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God." - Acts 20:24
This morning we got to teach Sunday school together for the first time. This was something I was really looking forward to. In fact, I've been praying for this for a long time. I love teaching, and getting to do something you love with someone you love is even better. Anyhow, my prayer has always been that I would have someone to serve with. Someone who would pursue the Lord with me, challenge me, and lead me. And, to be honest, I didn't think I would ever get that.
We were reminiscing last night about the first time we met. Our relationship was the most interesting, easy, unusual, dating relationship I've ever had. In fact, we couldn't even tell you when things changed and we decided that we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Really, it caught both of us off guard because neither one of us expected it to go anywhere. We went into it thinking, "Why not? I'll give it a shot and we'll just see." And, even though I hardly knew Aaron, I was just pretty sure I knew that I didn't stand a chance. Maybe, you're like me. Maybe, you know what I mean by that. Because I felt worthless and broken. Tainted, imperfect, and not good enough. Why would someone like Aaron ever want to be associated with a girl like me? He deserved much more. He deserved someone just like him. And, honestly, I thought that was fair. I wasn't going to blame him if he never called or quickly changed his mind. Just being around him for a short amount of time, I saw it. I saw the kind of man he was, and I felt like he needed to be paired up with a really incredible girl.
I felt like I deserved what I was worth, which wasn't much at the time. I felt like I needed someone of "equal value." Someone who was also broken, hurt, abandoned, rejected. Someone who had matching baggage. Someone who had been through the same thing I had. That would make sense to me. Yet the Lord had different things in mind, and today, as we talked about good works and actions during Sunday school, I was reminded of that.
You see, we accept the kind of love that we think we deserve. And maybe, somewhere along the way, we were hurt. Hurt by a friend, a parent, or someone really close to us. We were damaged and bruised and we feel less. Less of a person, less deserving, less loveable, less worthy. But that's not truth. And the beauty of God's grace is that we don't have to live a life expecting and accepting less. In fact, when God looks at us, that's not what He sees. Because the truth is, no matter how we behaved or acted, we never deserved anything good in the first place. All good things come from God, and no matter how well we behave or don't behave, He loves us the same. God doesn't look at our lives and say, "Oh, you did everything right all of the time and because of that I'm giving you really super good things." He also doesn't say, "Oh, you messed up along the way and made some mistakes and so now I'm only going to give you decent things because you aren't as deserving." No, God looks at us and He says, "I know your heart. I love you more than you will ever understand. And because you trust me, because you've sought me, because I am good, and because I am for you, I am going to give you your heart's desires. Not because you do or don't deserve them, but because I am a gracious God."
And I can't tell you how thankful I am for that grace. Maybe I am getting way more than it seems I deserve, and it's true. I never deserved any of it in the first place, and I sure don't now. But God is gracious, and I praise Him every day for not making me live a life of less but giving me a beautiful, full, free, abundant life.
#492- Because I don't have to live a life expecting or accepting less.
"But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God." - Acts 20:24
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