Reason #575
Do you ever get tired of just being? Being many different things, wearing many different hats, and you just want a break? A break from being you, if that makes sense. A break to just be... be nothing. No expectations, no responsibilities, no requirements. Solitude is a really beautiful thing sometimes. It can be one of those things that's craved or one of those things that's feared. Too much of it can drive you crazy, but so can too little. It has to be just right, you know. And every now and then I think I need it. Solitude to rest from being so many things all of the time. Time to be still and quiet and time to be with me. Because truth be told, we spend our time so many places, filling our minutes with things to do, that we never really give ourselves much time to have a break from being.
But what's more is I find myself needing a break from expectations. And while expectations are necessary in life, they are difficult. Because there is always some sort of expectation to be something no matter where you are. An expectation of how to look, how to talk, how to act, and how to behave. Be this way here, be that way there, say this thing now, don't wear that there. You get what I'm saying. And whether or not we set the expectation, someone else sets it, or we think that someone else is setting it for us, it's just hard to get it right all the time.
I really struggle with finding how to be myself and still meet expectations. Be strong and independent, but not too independent. Be outgoing and friendly, but not too talkative. Know what you want and stand up for what you believe, but don't be so strong willed and determined. Stick to your convictions, but also be willing to bend. Keep that never give up outlook, but quit being an over achiever. Do stop doing your best, but stop being a perfectionist. And so I find it difficult to be me all the time. Maybe if I was just a watered down version of myself and was easy going, really laid back, always overly happy, and always said the right thing in the perfect amount of words, I'd do better at this. But I'm not. I'm all of those things I don't need to be so much of, and figuring out the balance in life is what tires me out. And, if that weren't enough, the struggle with knowing you let someone down because you didn't meet their expectation by being you is slightly devastating.
I heard a song this morning on the radio, and I can't remember the title or who sang it, but somewhere in the song the lyrics said, "be my God so that I can be me." How comforting for someone who is always trying to please. Someone who is trying her best to be everything everyone wants her to be, and then be the things she thinks they want her to be on top of that. Someone who has a hard time always meeting perceived and even actual expectations. When I am with the Lord, I can just be me. I can talk, or I don't have to talk, and it's okay. I can cry, or I can laugh, and that's fine too. I can be upset, I can excited, I can be tired, I can be energized. I can feel how I feel, think what I think, say what I say. I can be me. Because the Lord knows me. And even when I don't know what I am thinking, how I am feeling, or what to say, I can just be me with Him. No expectation to entertain or please or perform, just to be.
It's hard to find people that you can just be you around. It really is. We all crave that, and you hear people say things like, "I really love this friend or this individual because I can just be me around them. They accept me for who I am." But there's something about the Lord's acceptance that is like none other. Because we find that we love most things about people but maybe not all things about them. There may be days we enjoy them more than others, moments we like them better than others. Certain aspects or traits we really appreciate about them and ones that we have a hard time dealing with. Yet the Lord's love for us is consistent no matter what. There isn't a day that He looks at us and says, "You know, you're in a better mood today, you're behaving how I like so I'll be around you today." He never says, "You know if you'd be a little more like this or that, I'd like you a whole lot more." No, His love is the same day in and day out even when we aren't. He accepts us on our ugly days, our happy days, our quiet days, and our upset days.
And so I am grateful that God is God and I can just be me. I don't have to be everything all the time, attempting to do everything possible. I don't have to wear a million different hats and wear them equally well. I can be Brittnye. In the quite, I can be me. In the solitude, I can rest without fear or failing or fear of disappointment. Because He knows my heart, my innermost being, and He still chooses to consistently love me.
#575 - For His consistent, day to day love even when we are inconsistent.
"This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you." - John 15:12
But what's more is I find myself needing a break from expectations. And while expectations are necessary in life, they are difficult. Because there is always some sort of expectation to be something no matter where you are. An expectation of how to look, how to talk, how to act, and how to behave. Be this way here, be that way there, say this thing now, don't wear that there. You get what I'm saying. And whether or not we set the expectation, someone else sets it, or we think that someone else is setting it for us, it's just hard to get it right all the time.
I really struggle with finding how to be myself and still meet expectations. Be strong and independent, but not too independent. Be outgoing and friendly, but not too talkative. Know what you want and stand up for what you believe, but don't be so strong willed and determined. Stick to your convictions, but also be willing to bend. Keep that never give up outlook, but quit being an over achiever. Do stop doing your best, but stop being a perfectionist. And so I find it difficult to be me all the time. Maybe if I was just a watered down version of myself and was easy going, really laid back, always overly happy, and always said the right thing in the perfect amount of words, I'd do better at this. But I'm not. I'm all of those things I don't need to be so much of, and figuring out the balance in life is what tires me out. And, if that weren't enough, the struggle with knowing you let someone down because you didn't meet their expectation by being you is slightly devastating.
I heard a song this morning on the radio, and I can't remember the title or who sang it, but somewhere in the song the lyrics said, "be my God so that I can be me." How comforting for someone who is always trying to please. Someone who is trying her best to be everything everyone wants her to be, and then be the things she thinks they want her to be on top of that. Someone who has a hard time always meeting perceived and even actual expectations. When I am with the Lord, I can just be me. I can talk, or I don't have to talk, and it's okay. I can cry, or I can laugh, and that's fine too. I can be upset, I can excited, I can be tired, I can be energized. I can feel how I feel, think what I think, say what I say. I can be me. Because the Lord knows me. And even when I don't know what I am thinking, how I am feeling, or what to say, I can just be me with Him. No expectation to entertain or please or perform, just to be.
It's hard to find people that you can just be you around. It really is. We all crave that, and you hear people say things like, "I really love this friend or this individual because I can just be me around them. They accept me for who I am." But there's something about the Lord's acceptance that is like none other. Because we find that we love most things about people but maybe not all things about them. There may be days we enjoy them more than others, moments we like them better than others. Certain aspects or traits we really appreciate about them and ones that we have a hard time dealing with. Yet the Lord's love for us is consistent no matter what. There isn't a day that He looks at us and says, "You know, you're in a better mood today, you're behaving how I like so I'll be around you today." He never says, "You know if you'd be a little more like this or that, I'd like you a whole lot more." No, His love is the same day in and day out even when we aren't. He accepts us on our ugly days, our happy days, our quiet days, and our upset days.
And so I am grateful that God is God and I can just be me. I don't have to be everything all the time, attempting to do everything possible. I don't have to wear a million different hats and wear them equally well. I can be Brittnye. In the quite, I can be me. In the solitude, I can rest without fear or failing or fear of disappointment. Because He knows my heart, my innermost being, and He still chooses to consistently love me.
#575 - For His consistent, day to day love even when we are inconsistent.
"This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you." - John 15:12
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