Reason #333

I’ve shared this story with you before. It’s been about 7 months since I shared it, but I see fit to share it again.

 

Last year I went to see Josh Wilson’s Christmas concert. With a broken heart, completely despondent, I met my mom after my final counseling session. It was so crowded but we found seats in the far corner of the auditorium. I didn’t want to go. I was stuck in that phase where I didn’t want to do anything. Nothing was fun, nothing was enjoyable. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to sleep, I didn’t want to go to work, I didn’t want to be at home, basically, I wasn’t easy to please. So I just had to force myself to do things. I had to make myself get out even though I didn’t want to. And, initially, I didn’t feel like going to the concert that night, but I’m so glad I did.

 

You just never know what people are dealing with. You never know what they’ve been through. I can tell you that no one in that room had any idea of what had just happened mere minutes before. No one had a clue of the journey I had been walking for months on end. No one knew that my spirit was shattered. From the outside, I looked okay, maybe even slightly put together. With my work clothes still on, I’m sure they assumed the only reason I was showing up late was because I had gotten off work late. No one knew that I had spent the day in turmoil. They didn’t know that my day had been filled with distress and anxiety. And from the outside, they had no clue of the agony I was feeling. Numb, again. Feeling as if I was stuck in a nightmare and that surely I would wake up and the past 5 years would have simply been a terrible dream. But it was my reality. And on that night, reality hit hard.

 

You have those moments in life where you simply can’t put into words what you’re feeling because maybe you’re not even sure what you’re feeling. I had never felt emotions like this before. This was all so new to me. Indescribable emotions slowly pulsed through my body. It was as if a slow-dripping medicine had been injected and was taking its precious time spreading throughout my entire being. I wondered how God was going to show up. How was He going to step in and rescue me now? Because, I’ll be transparently honest, up until that point it seemed like God wasn’t understanding what I was asking of Him. Maybe it was me. Maybe I was praying incorrectly. Maybe my faith wasn’t as strong as I had thought it was. Maybe everyone one else was praying different prayers and He was choosing to answer theirs over mine. But I wasn’t going to give up on Him. I wasn’t going to stop because He was my only hope. My only hope for rescue from this mess. My only relief from the hurt and pain. I knew He was the only one who could take it away.

 

On that night God met with me. Because He saw and He knew. He had watched me throughout the entire day. He had held me up as I put on a brave face at work. He had given me the courage to show up to the counselor’s office although my whole body trembled as I awaited the undesirable outcome of my fate. He sat next to me on the counselor’s couch and had given me an incredible amount of strength to wipe away the tears that spilled from my eyes. And my counselor, the Godly man that he was, handed me a box of tissues, looked at me and said, “Brittnye, I’m so sorry. But at least you now have your answer. At least you know. There is no more wondering.” And, even though it didn’t seem like it at the moment, that was the night I was finally put out of my misery. And then, after all was said and done, He gave me the strength and desire to drive over to that concert because He knew how much I needed Him. Desperate for an encounter with the Most High God, the healer of broken hearts, the soother of aching souls, and He was about to do exactly that.

 

Really, I think I was able to drag myself up there because I realized how much I wanted Him in that moment. I was craving His peace and His presence and I knew I needed it, too. I knew nothing else was going to fill that hollow, hurting, hole and I was glad this concert just so happened to fall on that night. But God knew that, too. Long ago, God had this all planned out for me. Because God is in the details and no aspect of our life goes unnoticed. Before it even happens, God has it taken care of. And that night, God wrapped His presence around me in such a mighty way. There was no denying that He poured out His comfort and love on me in abundance. Soothing me and letting me know that everything was going to be alright. Holding me close and reminding me that He was still in control. On that night, God showed me that He had a bigger purpose for my life. It wasn’t over. He wasn’t going anywhere, and He was going to do better things. The worst was finally over, and it sparked a new beginning for me. Now, it really was just me and God and He was about to take me on the wildest journey yet.

 

So tonight I went to the Josh Wilson Christmas concert, but I didn't go with a heavy heart or tears in my eyes. Tonight, I went rejoicing and hoping to experience God’s love as powerfully as last year. I went celebrating the season as I'm looking forward to Christmas with excessive amounts of eager anticipation. Because God has brought me full circle. If you would have asked me last year, I would have never imagined this is where I would be now. I would have never imagined God would have accomplished so much in my life over the course of a year and turned it completely around in the way that He did. And the journey isn’t over. I know He still got so much more in store than I could dream of, but I’m thankful for what we’ve accomplished thus far. I’m thankful for what He has done in my life. Thankful for the freedom and abundance He’s allowed me to experience. Thankful for walking with me through a difficult season and bringing me out on the better side of it. Thankful for showering me with love and hope. Thankful that He is so faithful to have provisions in place and take care of things before they even happen. And when we trust in that, when we place our hope in Him and have faith in His wonder working ways, we can rest in knowing that everything really is going to be alright.

 

#333 – For opportunities to re-experience things on the upside!

 

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” – Ephesians 4:16-20