Reason #833

I broke my left arm when I was 5. I was at tumbling practice when I broke it. I don’t really remember how it happened, and I don’t remember it being that painful. I was determined to be a brave girl and not make a big deal out of it, but I knew something was wrong. My instructor called my parents to let them know my arm might have been broken, so my dad headed up to gym to get me. I sat on the mat watching the other kids continue their practice, and I didn’t shed a tear. In fact, I remember how my instructor saying, “You’re being such a brave girl. Your dad is on the way.” And the moment my dad walked into that gym tears began to stream down my face. It’s like I had been holding them back and now that he was there, I was free to let it all out.

 

I struggle with being an independent girl who desires and thrives on responsibility. I like to be in charge. I like to make plans and determine how they will go. And more than anything, I like to appear successful and capable. I certainly don’t like the idea of looking helpless, and I’ve never understood the attraction to that. Sometimes, I feel sorry for my future children because I am a “take responsibility for yourself” person who struggles with showing compassion on dependent people. And so when I broke my arm as a 5 year old, I didn’t want to look like I baby. I needed to keep it together. The last thing I was going to do was wail and roll around and make a scene. I only like attention for positive reasons. And so I didn’t show my weakness. I didn’t want them to make a big deal out of this injury because at that moment, I felt very responsible for me. And so I showed no fear, even though I’m sure my facial expressions said different, and I waited like a “big girl” until my dad showed up.

 

The moment he walked in, I knew I would be okay. I knew he was there to help me and take care of me. I knew that he was going to do the very best thing for me. And, more than anything, I knew he was going to assume the responsibility for me. And so I didn’t have to be brave anymore. I wasn’t on my own, my protector was there. I didn’t have to be fearless because I was now safe and secure. I could let my guard down because I knew I’d receive compassion and care. And I knew my dad would hug me, tell me I was going to be alright, take over the situation, and fix everything. I could trust my dad completely because he had proven to be a faithful father. And I think, more than anything, the tears were relief. Relief that in my moments of fear, of pain, of desperation, and uncertainty, my dad came to my rescue.

 

But I woke up this morning and I felt helpless. Completely helpless and vulnerable and in desperate need of rescue. Kind of like 5 year old Brittnye sitting on that gym mat waiting for my dad to show up. Wondering what the next steps were going to be. Wondering if things were about to get worse or better. Wondering what the future will look like. Completely out of control, a little out of commission, and taken back to a level of complete dependence. Broken arms are pretty useless. Broken arms are completely inconvenient and present many challenges. With one arm, I was less capable. I had to have help. I was now even more of a responsibility because with one arm, I couldn’t successfully do life. But my parents offered their arms, which were even better than my own. They were longer, stronger, tougher and more experienced arms, and after 6 whole weeks of trusting those arms to help me in my time of need, I was healed and better for it.

 

Broken spirits are pretty useless, too. Broken spirits are pure indications that it’s time to ask for help. It’s time to quit being so independent and start depending on God. It’s time to lay aside the “I got this” act and admit that well, you don’t. It’s time to stop trying so hard and start trusting way more. To understand that you won’t get far, won’t find success, and won’t achieve much with a spirit that doesn’t work. Because brokenness requires help. Brokenness has to be repaired, and there’s only one person who can do that. Our Father. He came to bind up broken spirits. He knew full well life would do this to us, and so He was completely prepared. Prepared to assume the responsibility of needy, broken, dependent children. In fact, that’s what He wants. He wants to take care of us. To rescue us, to drive out our fear, and to be our strength. And when we collide our broken spirits with God’s holy spirit, we realize that we are better for it. We can achieve and accomplish so much more than we ever imagined. And more than anything, we can rest in knowing that we’re safe and secure and we are taken care of.

 

#833 - Because He shows up to take care of us.

 

"Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful." - Psalm 69:16