Reason #399
How is it that February is already half way over? It seems like I had so many things planned for February far in advanced and now, they've passed. This month has been a blur. In fact, my days are starting to blur together, too. I get to the end of the day and I think, "The day is already over? It feels like it just started." And then it's tomorrow.
I'm starting to feel it tonight. The weight of speed, that is. Time is pressing, and time is overwhelming me. And I hate when I can't point to a specific thing and say, "it's this thing right here that I'm worried about." I hate when I have to generalize my feelings because I'm not even sure what I feel. And because so much is going on around me, I'm afraid I might forget something. In fact, I keep having bad dreams about forgetting things. I may have even forgotten things that I don't yet realize I have forgotten. For a type-A, planner, this is not good. I can tell you what my next month looks like, but I'm having hard time remembering what I did the day before. And so the worry of forgetting, of not remembering, of trying to make sure I don't forget anything is eating my lunch.
I drove back to work after lunch today with the radio blaring. I don't get to listen to music anymore because I don't have my own office, and I really miss it. There is enough noise going on around me, but I do miss having music playing in the background. It's soothing to me and, more than anything, it keeps me encouraged. Each time I get into my car, I take full advantage of listening to music during my 10 minute drive. It really is amazing how much it lifts my spirits. A song was playing that I've heard over and over again and in the chorus the artist says, "forgetting all our sin, you remember all your promises..." And I got chills as the power of these words hit me all of the sudden.
God has so much going on, too. I mean He's managing all of mankind forever, this is no small task. And yet, amongst all of the chaos and noise going on in this world, He remembers me. He doesn't forget about me. In fact, the only thing He forgets about is my sin. My gross, ugly, seemingly ever present sin, and He forgets about it. Choosing to cast it as far as the east is from the west because it's not important to remember. But He remembers the promises He's made, making sure to fulfill every one in its time. He remembers what we say, what we ask, how we feel, what we're thinking, what He told us, what we're doing, and where we are at every moment of our lives. The important stuff, He never forgets. I look at myself and I just feel like such a mess. A girl who gets so overwhelmed by seemingly nothing, who lets the little things in life bother her way too much, who remembers too many details and mistakes and unfortunate situations, and yet who so easily forgets how good she has it, how blessed she is, how loved she is, and how beautiful her life is.
I'll be honest, cried my eyes out tonight. I don't know why. It just happens sometimes. Sometimes, it's just easier for me to cry, I suppose. But really, I think it's because I forget. I don't remember what I've asked for, what I hoped for, what I felt, what I desired, what I thought and where I was. I forgot what it was like, and I forgot what really matters. And so the trick is this, to forget the things that don't matter and remember the things that do. Remember what He has done, what He is doing, the promises He has been fulfilling. Remember where I came from, how I got here, what I said, and what all has transpired since then. Remember how good He is, how gracious and kind and merciful He is, and forget the rest. After all, if He doesn't see fit to remember every little thing, then I suppose we don't have to, either.
#399 - Because He remembers the important things, the things that matter.
"He causes us to remember his wonderful works. How gracious and merciful is our Lord...He always remembers his covenant." - Psalm 111:4-5
I'm starting to feel it tonight. The weight of speed, that is. Time is pressing, and time is overwhelming me. And I hate when I can't point to a specific thing and say, "it's this thing right here that I'm worried about." I hate when I have to generalize my feelings because I'm not even sure what I feel. And because so much is going on around me, I'm afraid I might forget something. In fact, I keep having bad dreams about forgetting things. I may have even forgotten things that I don't yet realize I have forgotten. For a type-A, planner, this is not good. I can tell you what my next month looks like, but I'm having hard time remembering what I did the day before. And so the worry of forgetting, of not remembering, of trying to make sure I don't forget anything is eating my lunch.
I drove back to work after lunch today with the radio blaring. I don't get to listen to music anymore because I don't have my own office, and I really miss it. There is enough noise going on around me, but I do miss having music playing in the background. It's soothing to me and, more than anything, it keeps me encouraged. Each time I get into my car, I take full advantage of listening to music during my 10 minute drive. It really is amazing how much it lifts my spirits. A song was playing that I've heard over and over again and in the chorus the artist says, "forgetting all our sin, you remember all your promises..." And I got chills as the power of these words hit me all of the sudden.
God has so much going on, too. I mean He's managing all of mankind forever, this is no small task. And yet, amongst all of the chaos and noise going on in this world, He remembers me. He doesn't forget about me. In fact, the only thing He forgets about is my sin. My gross, ugly, seemingly ever present sin, and He forgets about it. Choosing to cast it as far as the east is from the west because it's not important to remember. But He remembers the promises He's made, making sure to fulfill every one in its time. He remembers what we say, what we ask, how we feel, what we're thinking, what He told us, what we're doing, and where we are at every moment of our lives. The important stuff, He never forgets. I look at myself and I just feel like such a mess. A girl who gets so overwhelmed by seemingly nothing, who lets the little things in life bother her way too much, who remembers too many details and mistakes and unfortunate situations, and yet who so easily forgets how good she has it, how blessed she is, how loved she is, and how beautiful her life is.
I'll be honest, cried my eyes out tonight. I don't know why. It just happens sometimes. Sometimes, it's just easier for me to cry, I suppose. But really, I think it's because I forget. I don't remember what I've asked for, what I hoped for, what I felt, what I desired, what I thought and where I was. I forgot what it was like, and I forgot what really matters. And so the trick is this, to forget the things that don't matter and remember the things that do. Remember what He has done, what He is doing, the promises He has been fulfilling. Remember where I came from, how I got here, what I said, and what all has transpired since then. Remember how good He is, how gracious and kind and merciful He is, and forget the rest. After all, if He doesn't see fit to remember every little thing, then I suppose we don't have to, either.
#399 - Because He remembers the important things, the things that matter.
"He causes us to remember his wonderful works. How gracious and merciful is our Lord...He always remembers his covenant." - Psalm 111:4-5
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