Reason #461

I’m pretty good with names and faces. I’ve met a lot people, so I’m not as good as I used to be. I’ve always been one of those people who likes to see a familiar face. I am notorious for trying to find a connection with someone when I meet them so that we will have something in common. It makes it easier for me to remember them if I do that. And so, being involved in many various things through college and even now, I’ve come to know a lot of people.

 

I’ve never been one to blend in. I’m pretty outgoing and talkative, so I’ve never tried to hide in the crowd…until a few years ago. You know how celebrities go out and about wearing ball caps and over sized sunglasses in an attempt to not be noticed? Well, that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to be in disguise. I didn’t want to see anyone I knew, so I would walk around as if I had on blinders. I was completely oblivious to my surroundings. That way, if I kept my eyes straight ahead and focused on the exact task at hand, I wouldn’t know whether or not I passed someone I knew. Unfortunately, this was really difficult for me because I would see people I knew and I really wanted to say hello. However, what’s the first thing someone asks you after they greet you? “How are you?” Oh gosh, I dreaded that question. So, in an attempt to avoid having to actually answer that question, I just kept to myself and took the risk of appearing completely rude, which only upset me even more.

 

I deleted my Facebook account, too. Truthfully, if I could have just disappeared into thin air, I would have preferred that. I even got to the point to where I wouldn’t have minded if something drastic would have happened to me just so it would overshadow what had really happened. The invisibility cloak from Harry Potter would have come in handy, and, honestly, I was really hoping that people would just forget about me. Slowly but surely, old friends began to find me. Girls from my sorority, people I used to go to church with, friends from college, even old high school classmates. They stumbled across me one way or another, and my stomach would flip a little each time it happened. Because I didn’t know how the encounter was going to happen. Did they know? Had they heard? Would they ask? What should I tell them? And more than anything, I believed that when they found out, because people always find out, they would think, “Wow, I really thought she was different. Guess not. I’m disappointed in her.” The last thing I needed was to think other people felt that way about me because I couldn’t possibly have felt any lower, myself.

 

I got my Facebook account back, and I was super protective of myself. I would ignore friend requests, or if I accepted them, I’d send a lengthy message just to answer any pending questions they might have had. I wanted people to know the truth. I wanted to defend my honor. People talk, word gets around, and I didn’t know what anyone knew. And so, in an attempt to appease my own shame-filled conscience, I would explain myself. As time went on, things began to change. I quit worrying so much about making sure people knew the truth, and I just reverted back to the Brittnye they knew. Of course, I never really changed, but I stopped trying to defend my honor so much because I figured that the truth was the truth and I couldn’t help what had happened. And if people really knew me, they would have an idea anyway. At least, that was my prayer. But more than that, I just kept praying that the Lord would use me, use my testimony, and that He would continue to get the glory in all areas of my life.

 

Last night I went to church with Aaron. I saw a lot of people I hadn’t seen in years. There were a lot of people in attendance, and a small part of me was just hoping that I would blend into the crowd. A sweet couple that I used to go to church with came in and sat right beside me. “Go figure,” I thought. I had been in the same Sunday school class with them for a couple of years and I thought to myself, “I bet they are so surprised and disappointed in me.” And so I smiled and said hello, and I hope the service would quickly start so that I didn’t have to talk. During part of the service, the pastor made a comment that really struck a chord with me. He said, “if we really believe in God’s goodness and how great it is, we shouldn’t care what other’s think.” Amen to that! Because regardless of the gossip or chatter, it only matters what God thinks. And truthfully, His goodness overshadows anything else that has happened in my life. And so, I had a little change of heart and I decided that before I left, I was going to catch up with them.

 

The service ended and she turned to me and said, “About 8 months ago, the Lord laid your name on my heart. I hadn’t seen anything from you in a while, so I started searching. I came across your blog and I began to put the pieces together. I just want you to know that we’ve been praying for you and are encouraged at how you find God’s goodness in everything.” I seriously almost cried. I hugged her and I couldn’t have been more thankful for her words. Truthfully, I was a little speechless and caught off guard because I had been preparing myself to give an explanation. But I didn’t have to. How good is our God? That He would go before us, defending our honor and protecting us, rather than making us do that on our own? That He would do it in such a way so that truth was revealed and He was glorified? Because that’s been my prayer for 2 years now. Over and over, I’ve prayed that His goodness would be what people see. And I suppose that’s true. That’s what they end up noticing, and I am so grateful for that.

 

#461 – Because He goes before us defending our honor, revealing truth, and receiving the glory!

 

"But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high." - Psalm 3:3