Reason #53
As I've walked through this storm, one of the few feelings I haven't dealt much with is anger, which has been surprising to me. Naturally, I am not slow to anger, so I can testify how walking close with the Lord can cause one to act "unnaturally." In fact, I've had many people say to me, "Have you just gotten mad yet? You should get mad! There is nothing wrong with righteous anger." Trust me, I have wanted to be mad. I've wished I could be mad many days, but no amount of wishing has made me mad. I thought that maybe if I got mad, I would feel better. Maybe if I was mad, I wouldn't feel the hurt. I expressed these thoughts to one of my mentors and he said, "Well, that's what you have us for. We're mad enough for you that you don't have to be."
Today, I got mad. I had to leave my office during work hours to go to the Social Security Office. Does anybody else besides me wonder how we are supposed to get things done when all business and agencies operate during the same hours? Anyhow, I sat and waited for almost 30 minutes only to find out that my paperwork was not sufficient to process my request. Oh, how my blood began to boil. I find it funny that the big things I fully expected to set me on fire haven't, yet the little insignificant things make me mad.
You see, I'm not mad at the Social Security Office. I completely understand the importance of documentation and appreciate it. I'm not mad that I had to wait in line. I realize that everyone else was having to wait, too. What made me mad was that I was, once again, having to do something I didn't want to do. I didn't want to be at the Social Security Office "taking care of business." My life has been turned completely upside down, so I am having to tie up many loose ends despite my best efforts to keep that from happening. Each time I head to once of these government agencies, I have to pull out my papers of shame and explain to yet another person what I've been through. Not only did I have to "take care of business" today, I had to do it Sunday and Monday and will do it again on Thursday. And it makes me mad each time... and each time I have to explain why... and then my blood begins to boil.
So I drove back to the office with tears burning in my eyes. I refused to cry because it would only mess up my make-up and make my co-workers wonder what happened while I was gone. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to let my anger physically escape because I felt like that was going to be the best way to deal with it. But I didn't scream and I didn't throw anything, rather, I sat in my car, tried to compose myself and said, "Lord, I need you to meet me right here in my anger. I need you to calm me." I started to feel a little more in control. Sure, I was still mad... and still kind of am. He brought the words from Ephesians 4:26 to my mind, "do not sin by letting your anger control you." I wouldn't necessarily categorize yelling and throwing things as sin (unless you're carrying them out on someone) but these little actions turn into big actions, which quickly turn into sin, then we do something we can't take back, and the next thing we know we've done something we really regret.
James 1:19-21 says, " My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." I have seen first hand how anger keeps us from righteousness. I am far from perfect, and it just breaks my heart to know how my anger has grieved my Savior. Proverbs 14:17 says, "Short-tempered people do foolish things..." Now, I might categorize yelling and throwing as foolish when angry. Not only have I let my temper make a fool of me before, I've witnessed it in the lives of others. Anger is devastating. Our foolish acts can cause great detriment.
"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay..." (Romans 12:19) And so I gave it to him. God is good and he is just, so I realize that it is better for me to give him my anger rather than hold it in my own hands. I don't want to be bound by anger. I don't want to be foolish. I don't want to be controlled by any thing other than my loving Savior. How thankful I am that I can come to him in EVERY situation, anger included, and he still bends down to listen. How grateful I am that he gives me the control to overcome my emotion because, "God is greater than our feelings and he knows everything." (1 John 3:20)
#53 - Because he doesn't avoid me during my "red-faced and kicking mad moments," but rather he loves me through them.
"But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love. You did not abandon [me]..." - Nehemiah 9:17
Today, I got mad. I had to leave my office during work hours to go to the Social Security Office. Does anybody else besides me wonder how we are supposed to get things done when all business and agencies operate during the same hours? Anyhow, I sat and waited for almost 30 minutes only to find out that my paperwork was not sufficient to process my request. Oh, how my blood began to boil. I find it funny that the big things I fully expected to set me on fire haven't, yet the little insignificant things make me mad.
You see, I'm not mad at the Social Security Office. I completely understand the importance of documentation and appreciate it. I'm not mad that I had to wait in line. I realize that everyone else was having to wait, too. What made me mad was that I was, once again, having to do something I didn't want to do. I didn't want to be at the Social Security Office "taking care of business." My life has been turned completely upside down, so I am having to tie up many loose ends despite my best efforts to keep that from happening. Each time I head to once of these government agencies, I have to pull out my papers of shame and explain to yet another person what I've been through. Not only did I have to "take care of business" today, I had to do it Sunday and Monday and will do it again on Thursday. And it makes me mad each time... and each time I have to explain why... and then my blood begins to boil.
So I drove back to the office with tears burning in my eyes. I refused to cry because it would only mess up my make-up and make my co-workers wonder what happened while I was gone. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to let my anger physically escape because I felt like that was going to be the best way to deal with it. But I didn't scream and I didn't throw anything, rather, I sat in my car, tried to compose myself and said, "Lord, I need you to meet me right here in my anger. I need you to calm me." I started to feel a little more in control. Sure, I was still mad... and still kind of am. He brought the words from Ephesians 4:26 to my mind, "do not sin by letting your anger control you." I wouldn't necessarily categorize yelling and throwing things as sin (unless you're carrying them out on someone) but these little actions turn into big actions, which quickly turn into sin, then we do something we can't take back, and the next thing we know we've done something we really regret.
James 1:19-21 says, " My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." I have seen first hand how anger keeps us from righteousness. I am far from perfect, and it just breaks my heart to know how my anger has grieved my Savior. Proverbs 14:17 says, "Short-tempered people do foolish things..." Now, I might categorize yelling and throwing as foolish when angry. Not only have I let my temper make a fool of me before, I've witnessed it in the lives of others. Anger is devastating. Our foolish acts can cause great detriment.
"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay..." (Romans 12:19) And so I gave it to him. God is good and he is just, so I realize that it is better for me to give him my anger rather than hold it in my own hands. I don't want to be bound by anger. I don't want to be foolish. I don't want to be controlled by any thing other than my loving Savior. How thankful I am that I can come to him in EVERY situation, anger included, and he still bends down to listen. How grateful I am that he gives me the control to overcome my emotion because, "God is greater than our feelings and he knows everything." (1 John 3:20)
#53 - Because he doesn't avoid me during my "red-faced and kicking mad moments," but rather he loves me through them.
"But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love. You did not abandon [me]..." - Nehemiah 9:17
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