Reason #70
I'll admit it, I like to be in control. I like to be the one in charge. The decision maker. I was always the one in school who didn't mind taking the responsibility in group projects because that meant that I had the final say and I knew it would get done the way I thought it should. I'm a girl with a plan.
I've struggled with this my whole life. I've told God I want him to be in control. I've told others that He was in control. But I held on to my plans and desires with a death grip. After all, I knew what was best for me. Or did I? And it turned into a battle. "God, you take control. You take over." But what I really meant was, "God, I'm still going to be in control, so just bless what I do and keep me out of a bind." So for the first 24.5 years of my life, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping everything under control. Truthfully, I very much liked being in control because that way, I knew how things were going to turn out. No surprises.
And then things started to happen that were out of my control. Things that I couldn't control what so ever. This was a first for me. For months, I dug my nails in and hung on. I tried to regain control. I was pulling out all of the stops and I just knew that eventually I'd be able to come up with a plan to fix everything. I was going to take on the responsibility of helping God out, you know, turning this into a group project. After all, I knew what was best for me. Or did I? One of the many things I've learned about God is that He doesn't intrude. He doesn't makes us do something we don't want to do. The beauty of free will. So He let me hang on to that control.
And I was failing miserably. My grip began to loosen. He ever so kindly brought me to a point where I realized that I had to let go. I had to give up control. This wasn't my responsibility, and I wasn't helping Him out as much as I thought I was.
God is so good to speak truth to me, and one of the many ways He does so is by speaking through those closest to me. Brave people they are. There are times when it is hard to speak the truth because that means you are most likely going to tell someone something they don't want to hear. He used my wise Mom to speak the words of truth to me. Truth that I've needed to hear for 24.5 years. She finally said, "Brittnye, you haven't let go of this. You've been saying you trust God to be in control but you aren't getting out of the way. You need to give this to Him and move over. Let Him take care of this." She was right.
So I did it, and it was hard.
I remember the night I gave up control. I remember getting on my knees and saying, "Lord, you know how much I want to take care of this. You know how much I want to fix this. But I can't. My efforts have failed and you are the only one who can. As much as I don't want to, I'm giving this to you. I want you to be in control. I'm moving out of the way."
And control He took! I just thought I knew what was best for me. I didn't exactly know what things were going to look like now that they were out of my hands, but He knew. For months I had tried so valiantly to help Him out, tell Him what was best. I was afraid to give up control. I had a fear of what might happen if I let go. But when I let go, He accomplished more in days than I had accomplished in months. In fact, He did things I didn't even consider. Things I would have never thought of. Things I could have never done. It was amazing to see Him moving swiftly. My, how He can work when we just get out of the way!
So my biggest fear happened. But you know what, it's okay, because He is in control. And I have realized how much better things are when He is in charge. Sure, it looks different and I have no clue how things will turn out, but that's okay. It's okay because I trust Him. After all, what's not to trust?
Tonight, I'm finding myself on the brink of wanting to take control again. I'm wanting to grab hold and be in charge. I still struggle with letting go of my plans. So I am thankful for a God who understands that. A God who has shown me how much better life is when He is in charge. And I'm thankful that He kindly reminds me to trust because "[He] has never forsaken those who seek [Him.] (Psalm 9:10)
#70 - Because He's in charge and is most trustworthy!
"In you, LORD my God, I put my trust." - Psalm 25:1
I've struggled with this my whole life. I've told God I want him to be in control. I've told others that He was in control. But I held on to my plans and desires with a death grip. After all, I knew what was best for me. Or did I? And it turned into a battle. "God, you take control. You take over." But what I really meant was, "God, I'm still going to be in control, so just bless what I do and keep me out of a bind." So for the first 24.5 years of my life, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping everything under control. Truthfully, I very much liked being in control because that way, I knew how things were going to turn out. No surprises.
And then things started to happen that were out of my control. Things that I couldn't control what so ever. This was a first for me. For months, I dug my nails in and hung on. I tried to regain control. I was pulling out all of the stops and I just knew that eventually I'd be able to come up with a plan to fix everything. I was going to take on the responsibility of helping God out, you know, turning this into a group project. After all, I knew what was best for me. Or did I? One of the many things I've learned about God is that He doesn't intrude. He doesn't makes us do something we don't want to do. The beauty of free will. So He let me hang on to that control.
And I was failing miserably. My grip began to loosen. He ever so kindly brought me to a point where I realized that I had to let go. I had to give up control. This wasn't my responsibility, and I wasn't helping Him out as much as I thought I was.
God is so good to speak truth to me, and one of the many ways He does so is by speaking through those closest to me. Brave people they are. There are times when it is hard to speak the truth because that means you are most likely going to tell someone something they don't want to hear. He used my wise Mom to speak the words of truth to me. Truth that I've needed to hear for 24.5 years. She finally said, "Brittnye, you haven't let go of this. You've been saying you trust God to be in control but you aren't getting out of the way. You need to give this to Him and move over. Let Him take care of this." She was right.
So I did it, and it was hard.
I remember the night I gave up control. I remember getting on my knees and saying, "Lord, you know how much I want to take care of this. You know how much I want to fix this. But I can't. My efforts have failed and you are the only one who can. As much as I don't want to, I'm giving this to you. I want you to be in control. I'm moving out of the way."
And control He took! I just thought I knew what was best for me. I didn't exactly know what things were going to look like now that they were out of my hands, but He knew. For months I had tried so valiantly to help Him out, tell Him what was best. I was afraid to give up control. I had a fear of what might happen if I let go. But when I let go, He accomplished more in days than I had accomplished in months. In fact, He did things I didn't even consider. Things I would have never thought of. Things I could have never done. It was amazing to see Him moving swiftly. My, how He can work when we just get out of the way!
So my biggest fear happened. But you know what, it's okay, because He is in control. And I have realized how much better things are when He is in charge. Sure, it looks different and I have no clue how things will turn out, but that's okay. It's okay because I trust Him. After all, what's not to trust?
Tonight, I'm finding myself on the brink of wanting to take control again. I'm wanting to grab hold and be in charge. I still struggle with letting go of my plans. So I am thankful for a God who understands that. A God who has shown me how much better life is when He is in charge. And I'm thankful that He kindly reminds me to trust because "[He] has never forsaken those who seek [Him.] (Psalm 9:10)
#70 - Because He's in charge and is most trustworthy!
"In you, LORD my God, I put my trust." - Psalm 25:1
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