Reason #66
Time for another vulnerable post, my friends. Some days, I sit down at the computer and I am not sure what I am going to write about. Some days, I can't wait to sit down and write because He has given me something worth writing about. Some days, I get an idea of what I want to write and when I click the "create new post" button, my topic changes.
Today is one of those days.
I sat down pretty sure of what I would write about and before my fingers hit the keyboard, something happened that changed my topic.
Shame. I deal with shame. I am ashamed about a circumstance that happened in which I had no control over. I am ashamed because I feel I know the thoughts people have when they hear of my circumstances. Thoughts of disappointment. Thoughts of judgment.. I think this because I, too, have had these thoughts (something else I am ashamed to admit). Wondering, curious minds who want to inquire but want to be polite. I, too, would do the same thing. And in my shame, I want to hide my face. I want to flee. I want to erase the minds of those who know me. I hope that maybe they forgot. Maybe, they don't remember. But they remember.
I am ashamed because I was abandoned. I am ashamed because I was rejected. I am ashamed because I was not chosen. I am ashamed because I was not fought for. I am ashamed because I am broken. I am ashamed because I was replaced. And people tell me, "You have nothing to be ashamed about." But the enemy whispers it to me again and again. With small, subtle whispers he says, "You should hide. You should avoid. You should be ashamed of yourself. Look at you. Look at what happened. How scandalous. You have a lot of explaining to do."
And in these moments, the only thing I know to do is fight fire with fire.
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God."
-Isaiah 54: 4-6
And He reminds me that "no one who hopes in [Him] will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:3). Although I was abandoned, He never left. Although I was rejected, He gladly accepted me. Although I wasn't fought for, He has constantly fought for me. Although I have been broken, He is the one who is repairing me. Although I was replaced, He has never removed his love from me.
So I'm trying to be brave and trying not to fear. After all, the God of all the earth assures me I don't need to feel that way. For He is to me exactly who I need Him to be. He is my Maker, my Husband, and my Redeemer. And he is calling me back!
#65 - because he takes away the shame
"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." - Psalm 34:5
Today is one of those days.
I sat down pretty sure of what I would write about and before my fingers hit the keyboard, something happened that changed my topic.
Shame. I deal with shame. I am ashamed about a circumstance that happened in which I had no control over. I am ashamed because I feel I know the thoughts people have when they hear of my circumstances. Thoughts of disappointment. Thoughts of judgment.. I think this because I, too, have had these thoughts (something else I am ashamed to admit). Wondering, curious minds who want to inquire but want to be polite. I, too, would do the same thing. And in my shame, I want to hide my face. I want to flee. I want to erase the minds of those who know me. I hope that maybe they forgot. Maybe, they don't remember. But they remember.
I am ashamed because I was abandoned. I am ashamed because I was rejected. I am ashamed because I was not chosen. I am ashamed because I was not fought for. I am ashamed because I am broken. I am ashamed because I was replaced. And people tell me, "You have nothing to be ashamed about." But the enemy whispers it to me again and again. With small, subtle whispers he says, "You should hide. You should avoid. You should be ashamed of yourself. Look at you. Look at what happened. How scandalous. You have a lot of explaining to do."
And in these moments, the only thing I know to do is fight fire with fire.
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God."
-Isaiah 54: 4-6
And He reminds me that "no one who hopes in [Him] will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:3). Although I was abandoned, He never left. Although I was rejected, He gladly accepted me. Although I wasn't fought for, He has constantly fought for me. Although I have been broken, He is the one who is repairing me. Although I was replaced, He has never removed his love from me.
So I'm trying to be brave and trying not to fear. After all, the God of all the earth assures me I don't need to feel that way. For He is to me exactly who I need Him to be. He is my Maker, my Husband, and my Redeemer. And he is calling me back!
#65 - because he takes away the shame
"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." - Psalm 34:5
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