Reason #505
I think it's important to be honest and transparent. Why, you may ask? Because we live in a world of pretenders. Pretend everything is perfect, make it look that way, and you'll have everyone believing it is. And yet the sad part is that we all end up believing everyone else is perfect, has it together, never deals with the struggles we do, and we feel alone. I don't know about you, but I often feel like a failure. I look at my life, at the things I struggle with, and I think, "I'm sure no one else has these problems, issues, or thoughts. I bet it's just me." And so I try to be transparent about it. At least you know I am far from perfect and so maybe that makes you feel slightly better, too. Relieves the pressure some. Good, there are at least two of us. And so I'll be really honest with you tonight. I'll share with you my struggles and shortcomings, and maybe you'll be able to relate, too.
Singleness is an interesting season in life. Some people really never experience that season while some live in it for longer than they'd like. My life took an interesting turn and I got to experience both in a strange way. I didn't think I'd enjoy singleness because I didn't really ever have an initial opportunity to experience it. I was thrusted into that season and I had no clue what I was supposed to do. But I quickly realized how nice it was to buy whatever I wanted, when ever I wanted, and never have to ask permission or stick to a price limit. If I wanted a dress, I bought a dress. If I wanted a new purse, I bought one. I wasn't limited to buying only one pair of shoes at a time because the only person I had to answer to was me. And I started to really enjoy this new found independence like I never imagined. I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, and followed the scheduled I set for myself. If I wanted to host a party, I did it. If I wanted to go see a late night movie, I did it. If I wanted to spend an entire afternoon laying by the pool, I did exactly that. I stayed up late, slept for as long as I liked, turned the music up as loud as I wanted, kept my fridge stocked with the food I preferred, and made plans without ever consulting another individual. But my heart longed for someone. Because even though I really enjoyed doing my own thing, I wanted someone to share my life with. Deep down, I knew he would come someday. I didn't know when, but I trusted that God wouldn't give me a desire that He wasn't going to somehow fulfill.
Well Aaron came along. Mr. Right and Mr. Perfect, and I mean that endearingly. Handsome, successful, intelligent, kind, Godly, talented, respectful, genuine, caring, and trustworthy. A man who is like none I had ever met before. I had really hoped and prayed for someone like that but I didn't think they actually existed. And so things began to slowly change. I began to follow a new schedule that was based off of someone else's schedule. Rather than always doing exactly what I wanted to do, I began to consider what he might want to do. I slowly began consulting him about certain matters, factoring in his opinion and weighing it against mine. And so we had a few moments where things were tense. Moments that weren't as smooth as the rest of our time, but we had the ability to smooth them out quickly and effectively. But 4 weeks ago, we began living under the same roof and there's nothing like living with someone, and sharing every single part of your life with them, to really open your eyes and challenge you.
I love Aaron, and for a lot of good reasons. For one, he is patient with me. Secondly, he is considerate of me and always tries to be as gentle as possible with me. He is learning me as much as he can, and thankfully, he is quick to forgive and let go of things. I'm pretty sure I give him a run for his money most days. And so we've had a few moments, and even days, over the past 4 weeks that didn't go as planned. Moments that seemed so important and significant at the time but are now silly and kind of stupid. Moments where it mattered more than any thing else in the world that he saw things from my point of view and agreed to them, and now I see it from his. And as we laid in bed the other night, we wondered why these moments even happen. Stupid emotional outbursts that waste your time and energy and pull you away from enjoying what God created for good. And so I struggle with not beating myself up. With thinking, "Everyone else is a perfect wife but me. I'm sure they always get along and never disagree with or disappoint their husband." Fortunately, Aaron has reminded me that he never expected me to be perfect, and I'm really grateful for that.
I'll just say it. This is marriage, people. Marriage is not easy. Marriage is hard, and anyone who ever thought it should be effortless and simple obviously never either a.) spent much time with human beings or b.) lived with someone else. Marriage takes so much work, and it's that work never ends. And more than anything, it's a continuous cycle of showing grace and forgiveness. Of not holding grudges even though you may be mad as all get out and believe with your entire being that you were right. Marriage means letting go of the negative and embracing the positive. Of focusing on what you love about the other person rather than what drives you insane. I read the other day that a good marriage is made up of two good forgivers. This is true. Because I am a sinner. I am so imperfect. I'll never ever be the perfect wife, heck, I'll never be the perfect anything. I don't even want to think about how motherhood will bring out even more of my imperfections. But I'm so thankful that I'm married to another imperfect sinner who doesn't ask or expect that of me. A man who is willing to love me, live with me, and stay with me despite my shortcomings. A man who will try with all his might to reconcile, to forget the bad, to focus on the good, and to wait on me when I'm just being as stubborn as one could possibly be. Because when the tension has ceased, when the argument is over and joy has returned, when we're hugging rather than giving the cold shoulder, life is so sweet. And my heart rejoices in knowing that even though these moments come, the good times seem to always outweigh the bad.
Marriage is an illustration of Christ's love for the church. I didn't understand this until the past year, as it always seemed like a funny thing to compare it to. But He joined Himself to a sinner, knowing full well that she would mess up. Knowing that she would hurt Him, frustrate Him, be selfish, impatient, and even break His heart. And yet He took her and made her His own. Promising to stand by her side, to never give up on her, to fight for her, love her deeply, pursue her relentlessly, forgive her infinitely, and selflessly serve her even though she didn't deserve it. Giving up His own life, His own will and desires, He laid them down so she would be His forever and ever.
As Aaron kindly watched me hold up 10 different grey paint chips against the shower curtain in our bathroom tonight to help me make a decision, my heart was so grateful. Grateful to be his wife. To know that I'll always be his wife. That I have a husband who truly loves me like Christ loves the church. He doesn't just say it, he actually does it. And so as imperfect as we both are, we will have our fights, our disagreements, and those frustrating moments that come with marriage. But we will fight towards victory, towards another day, and we'll remember that we don't have to be perfect. We just have to be forgiving and forgiven, and eventually everything will work itself out.
#505 - Because we don't have to be perfect, we just have to be forgiven and forgiving.
"And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:30-32
Singleness is an interesting season in life. Some people really never experience that season while some live in it for longer than they'd like. My life took an interesting turn and I got to experience both in a strange way. I didn't think I'd enjoy singleness because I didn't really ever have an initial opportunity to experience it. I was thrusted into that season and I had no clue what I was supposed to do. But I quickly realized how nice it was to buy whatever I wanted, when ever I wanted, and never have to ask permission or stick to a price limit. If I wanted a dress, I bought a dress. If I wanted a new purse, I bought one. I wasn't limited to buying only one pair of shoes at a time because the only person I had to answer to was me. And I started to really enjoy this new found independence like I never imagined. I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, and followed the scheduled I set for myself. If I wanted to host a party, I did it. If I wanted to go see a late night movie, I did it. If I wanted to spend an entire afternoon laying by the pool, I did exactly that. I stayed up late, slept for as long as I liked, turned the music up as loud as I wanted, kept my fridge stocked with the food I preferred, and made plans without ever consulting another individual. But my heart longed for someone. Because even though I really enjoyed doing my own thing, I wanted someone to share my life with. Deep down, I knew he would come someday. I didn't know when, but I trusted that God wouldn't give me a desire that He wasn't going to somehow fulfill.
Well Aaron came along. Mr. Right and Mr. Perfect, and I mean that endearingly. Handsome, successful, intelligent, kind, Godly, talented, respectful, genuine, caring, and trustworthy. A man who is like none I had ever met before. I had really hoped and prayed for someone like that but I didn't think they actually existed. And so things began to slowly change. I began to follow a new schedule that was based off of someone else's schedule. Rather than always doing exactly what I wanted to do, I began to consider what he might want to do. I slowly began consulting him about certain matters, factoring in his opinion and weighing it against mine. And so we had a few moments where things were tense. Moments that weren't as smooth as the rest of our time, but we had the ability to smooth them out quickly and effectively. But 4 weeks ago, we began living under the same roof and there's nothing like living with someone, and sharing every single part of your life with them, to really open your eyes and challenge you.
I love Aaron, and for a lot of good reasons. For one, he is patient with me. Secondly, he is considerate of me and always tries to be as gentle as possible with me. He is learning me as much as he can, and thankfully, he is quick to forgive and let go of things. I'm pretty sure I give him a run for his money most days. And so we've had a few moments, and even days, over the past 4 weeks that didn't go as planned. Moments that seemed so important and significant at the time but are now silly and kind of stupid. Moments where it mattered more than any thing else in the world that he saw things from my point of view and agreed to them, and now I see it from his. And as we laid in bed the other night, we wondered why these moments even happen. Stupid emotional outbursts that waste your time and energy and pull you away from enjoying what God created for good. And so I struggle with not beating myself up. With thinking, "Everyone else is a perfect wife but me. I'm sure they always get along and never disagree with or disappoint their husband." Fortunately, Aaron has reminded me that he never expected me to be perfect, and I'm really grateful for that.
I'll just say it. This is marriage, people. Marriage is not easy. Marriage is hard, and anyone who ever thought it should be effortless and simple obviously never either a.) spent much time with human beings or b.) lived with someone else. Marriage takes so much work, and it's that work never ends. And more than anything, it's a continuous cycle of showing grace and forgiveness. Of not holding grudges even though you may be mad as all get out and believe with your entire being that you were right. Marriage means letting go of the negative and embracing the positive. Of focusing on what you love about the other person rather than what drives you insane. I read the other day that a good marriage is made up of two good forgivers. This is true. Because I am a sinner. I am so imperfect. I'll never ever be the perfect wife, heck, I'll never be the perfect anything. I don't even want to think about how motherhood will bring out even more of my imperfections. But I'm so thankful that I'm married to another imperfect sinner who doesn't ask or expect that of me. A man who is willing to love me, live with me, and stay with me despite my shortcomings. A man who will try with all his might to reconcile, to forget the bad, to focus on the good, and to wait on me when I'm just being as stubborn as one could possibly be. Because when the tension has ceased, when the argument is over and joy has returned, when we're hugging rather than giving the cold shoulder, life is so sweet. And my heart rejoices in knowing that even though these moments come, the good times seem to always outweigh the bad.
Marriage is an illustration of Christ's love for the church. I didn't understand this until the past year, as it always seemed like a funny thing to compare it to. But He joined Himself to a sinner, knowing full well that she would mess up. Knowing that she would hurt Him, frustrate Him, be selfish, impatient, and even break His heart. And yet He took her and made her His own. Promising to stand by her side, to never give up on her, to fight for her, love her deeply, pursue her relentlessly, forgive her infinitely, and selflessly serve her even though she didn't deserve it. Giving up His own life, His own will and desires, He laid them down so she would be His forever and ever.
As Aaron kindly watched me hold up 10 different grey paint chips against the shower curtain in our bathroom tonight to help me make a decision, my heart was so grateful. Grateful to be his wife. To know that I'll always be his wife. That I have a husband who truly loves me like Christ loves the church. He doesn't just say it, he actually does it. And so as imperfect as we both are, we will have our fights, our disagreements, and those frustrating moments that come with marriage. But we will fight towards victory, towards another day, and we'll remember that we don't have to be perfect. We just have to be forgiving and forgiven, and eventually everything will work itself out.
#505 - Because we don't have to be perfect, we just have to be forgiven and forgiving.
"And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:30-32
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