Reason #511
It was cloudy today. Overcast and cooler, and tonight the clouds have finally dropped rain. My sweet friend, Abby, got married tonight and it reminded me of my wedding day. Aaron and I successfully made it through our first public performance, and as we enjoyed the reception we talked about how, although it's stressful and exhausting, we'd love to have another chance to live out our wedding.
I wasn't quite sure how I was going to feel about today. Because today was the first time in a really, really long time that I've been back in the church I grew up in. And today was the first time in a really, really long time that I've sang in front of a group of people I haven't seen in quite some time. And so I was nervous for more reasons than one. But I was comforted as my handsome accompanist sat beside me and gave me courage to be there and to be in front of so many people I've known my whole life.
It seems silly, right? Strange to feel like a stranger in the place you used to called home. Strange not to know what to say or if you should say anything. And strange to be so uncertain when uncertainty was never part of the picture before. And so, sharing a tiny piano bench last night as we rehearsed, Aaron said, " does this feel weird for you?" And, surprisingly, it didn't.
You see, for a while I spent time expecting myself to live in regret. Expecting myself to mourn the choices I had made, full of regret. Thinking thoughts like, "if only..." or "if I had done this, we'd be here now..." But who is to say that that is the case? Who is to say I would have ever done things one way or another had I done them differently?
And so, tonight as I sat in a church that holds a lot of memories for me, around a lot of people who've known me my whole life, the only thing I thought about was May 10th. I thought about how I felt, what the day was like, how overwhelmed my heart continues to be by the fact that he is my husband, but most of all, I just praised God that I could be sitting next to Aaron singing of God's goodness. Singing of a God who allows us to come before Him with any plea, who hears our cries, acts on our behalf. A God who is love, who is forgiveness, who is righteous.
A few people made a statement tonight about how perfectly it works out that Aaron plays the piano and I sing. Makes for a good match, right? But God knew that a long time ago. He knew, long before I did, that I'd have the chance to do this tonight. To return to a place that has been hard for me to go to, be around a group of people I haven't seen in quite some time, in a setting that could have possibly been difficult for me, with memories floating all about me, and yet to be filled with joy and thanksgiving. To have a heart of praise and not a single ounce of regret, and to be reminded of God's provision. Of His perfect timing and planning. Of the fact that He always, always works things out for the good.
And so, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I praise God for what He has done in my life. For allowing heartache when He did, for healing and restoring when He did, for giving my heart the ability to love and trust, for meeting desires when He did, and for giving me courage all along the way. Because I still need it, courage. I still need His help, His comforting presence, His peace and His faithful reminders. And every time I am in need, my God supplies. And even when it's the little things, which are actually really big things to me that no one else may even realize, God generously provides me with a loving, Godly, sweet husband who will gladly accompany me when I'm feeling most nervous and unsure. A constant reminder that I never have and never will walk alone.
#511 - Because of a God who accompanies us, gives us courage, supplies our needs, and never makes us walk alone.
"Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" - 2 Corinthians 9:10-15
I wasn't quite sure how I was going to feel about today. Because today was the first time in a really, really long time that I've been back in the church I grew up in. And today was the first time in a really, really long time that I've sang in front of a group of people I haven't seen in quite some time. And so I was nervous for more reasons than one. But I was comforted as my handsome accompanist sat beside me and gave me courage to be there and to be in front of so many people I've known my whole life.
It seems silly, right? Strange to feel like a stranger in the place you used to called home. Strange not to know what to say or if you should say anything. And strange to be so uncertain when uncertainty was never part of the picture before. And so, sharing a tiny piano bench last night as we rehearsed, Aaron said, " does this feel weird for you?" And, surprisingly, it didn't.
You see, for a while I spent time expecting myself to live in regret. Expecting myself to mourn the choices I had made, full of regret. Thinking thoughts like, "if only..." or "if I had done this, we'd be here now..." But who is to say that that is the case? Who is to say I would have ever done things one way or another had I done them differently?
And so, tonight as I sat in a church that holds a lot of memories for me, around a lot of people who've known me my whole life, the only thing I thought about was May 10th. I thought about how I felt, what the day was like, how overwhelmed my heart continues to be by the fact that he is my husband, but most of all, I just praised God that I could be sitting next to Aaron singing of God's goodness. Singing of a God who allows us to come before Him with any plea, who hears our cries, acts on our behalf. A God who is love, who is forgiveness, who is righteous.
A few people made a statement tonight about how perfectly it works out that Aaron plays the piano and I sing. Makes for a good match, right? But God knew that a long time ago. He knew, long before I did, that I'd have the chance to do this tonight. To return to a place that has been hard for me to go to, be around a group of people I haven't seen in quite some time, in a setting that could have possibly been difficult for me, with memories floating all about me, and yet to be filled with joy and thanksgiving. To have a heart of praise and not a single ounce of regret, and to be reminded of God's provision. Of His perfect timing and planning. Of the fact that He always, always works things out for the good.
And so, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I praise God for what He has done in my life. For allowing heartache when He did, for healing and restoring when He did, for giving my heart the ability to love and trust, for meeting desires when He did, and for giving me courage all along the way. Because I still need it, courage. I still need His help, His comforting presence, His peace and His faithful reminders. And every time I am in need, my God supplies. And even when it's the little things, which are actually really big things to me that no one else may even realize, God generously provides me with a loving, Godly, sweet husband who will gladly accompany me when I'm feeling most nervous and unsure. A constant reminder that I never have and never will walk alone.
#511 - Because of a God who accompanies us, gives us courage, supplies our needs, and never makes us walk alone.
"Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" - 2 Corinthians 9:10-15
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