Reason #520
I have a hard time deciding what to write about some nights. Of course, Sundays tend to be those nights, and especially this one. We've had a really full day today and I've seen God in a lot of different facets. He has been teaching me and giving me insight to things I've known for a long, long time, and today I had one those moments where it just clicked.
I hate letting people down. If I know I have upset someone or made them mad, I can't stand myself. Even the thought of anger or disappointment being directed at me gives me stomach ulcers. My parents never had to spank me growing up. All they had to do was somehow let me know that they were disappointed and I would punish myself for days. I still have the bad habit of doing that, too. I remember one of the first disagreements Aaron and I had. It was the first time in our relationship that we both let one another know we were unhappy with the other. It was the first time for us to show anything other than complete satisfaction. And along with guilt, I felt a little scared. This was a first and I didn't know how it was going to turn out. How was he going to react? Was this going to change our relationship for the worse? Well, there have been more than a few days that I've said or done things that have upset Aaron and even though he is so quick to forgive, I punish myself for a really long time afterwards. I just feel horrible knowing I've done something wrong, that I've failed or hurt another. And what's worse is when you haven't even done something wrong, yet you are the one who gets the blame. Maybe it's miscommunication or the fact that you're just guilty by association, but it's a really frustrating feeling to be blamed for someone else's mistakes. To have to unfairly endure their punishment when you're the innocent one.
For a long, long time, I've known that Jesus died for my sins. And I knew the words of scripture that clearly stated that He bore our shame and our guilt. And I knew that He sweated drops of blood, that He cried out in pain as nails were being pounded through His hands. I knew He felt abandoned by God, forsaken. That He was crushed and beaten for the things that I had done. And I was grateful for that. Grateful that He would die the death I deserved. Because Romans tells us that the wages of sin is death, and so someone had to die for it. Someone had to pay that debt, and He did it. But there was something I was missing in this whole story. Of course, I think Jesus was not looking forward to the painful death that He was facing. Anyone with skin and nerves would dread such a thing, but Jesus came to be the sacrifice and He knew that all along. Jesus, perfect and spotless. The man whom His father declared He was well pleased with. And in one day, like He had never felt before, Jesus endured the full wrath of God.
God is just and if you read the old testament, you see that He pours out His wrath when He needs to. He disciplines His children, and it's not always a stern talking to. But up until Jesus' death, He had never been the subject of God's wrath. Jesus did everything right, everything pleasing. And here we were, running around causing all the trouble. We were the ones doing the wrong thing, disappointing and hurting God. We were the ones creating grief and pain, and we were the ones who deserved wrath. And yet, rather than pouring out anger and wrath on us, God channeled that all towards Jesus. And for the first time, He felt it. For the first time, His father wasn't showing full pleasure towards Him. Being blamed for things He didn't do and unfairly enduring our punishment, and this was a difficult thing for Jesus. And although scripture doesn't say this, I have to think this was the hard part for Him. The cross, sure it hurt. The whips and the nails and crown of thorns caused intense physical His pain. But I have to think that enduring the wrath of God was worse than any physical pain one could go through. Because when someone is mad at you, wouldn't you rather a quick thump on the head and it be over for the both of you rather than the emotional distress it causes knowing someone is upset with you? I know I would. But He stayed there as long as it took and He received the full wrath of God for all of the things you and I have wrongly done, and praise the Lord that He would do such a thing for a whole bunch of sinners who actually deserved it.
I want the Lord to be pleased with me. I want to hear those words, "well done, good and faithful servant." And the realization that I have broken His heart and let Him down more times than I can count makes me all the more grateful that because of what Jesus did for me, God looks at me and doesn't feel anger and frustration towards me. That when He looks at me, He doesn't want to strike me with lightning bolts or set me on fire due to the incredible amounts of grief and pain I've caused. Rather, He looks at me and He says, "it's enough. What my Son did for you is enough. You can never make me mad enough to not love you. Frustrated enough to abandon you. Angry enough to curse you. When Jesus stood in your place, it was enough."
And so today I'm grateful that it clicked. That I realized the impact of the cross even more than I already knew. And I'm grateful to serve a God who would send a perfect, spotless son to be the recipient of my punishment so that I could be free from sin, from death, and from God's wrath. How marvelous to serve One who would stand in the gap for a sinner like me.
#520 - Because He endured wrath for me and it was enough.
"We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne." - Hebrews 12:2
I hate letting people down. If I know I have upset someone or made them mad, I can't stand myself. Even the thought of anger or disappointment being directed at me gives me stomach ulcers. My parents never had to spank me growing up. All they had to do was somehow let me know that they were disappointed and I would punish myself for days. I still have the bad habit of doing that, too. I remember one of the first disagreements Aaron and I had. It was the first time in our relationship that we both let one another know we were unhappy with the other. It was the first time for us to show anything other than complete satisfaction. And along with guilt, I felt a little scared. This was a first and I didn't know how it was going to turn out. How was he going to react? Was this going to change our relationship for the worse? Well, there have been more than a few days that I've said or done things that have upset Aaron and even though he is so quick to forgive, I punish myself for a really long time afterwards. I just feel horrible knowing I've done something wrong, that I've failed or hurt another. And what's worse is when you haven't even done something wrong, yet you are the one who gets the blame. Maybe it's miscommunication or the fact that you're just guilty by association, but it's a really frustrating feeling to be blamed for someone else's mistakes. To have to unfairly endure their punishment when you're the innocent one.
For a long, long time, I've known that Jesus died for my sins. And I knew the words of scripture that clearly stated that He bore our shame and our guilt. And I knew that He sweated drops of blood, that He cried out in pain as nails were being pounded through His hands. I knew He felt abandoned by God, forsaken. That He was crushed and beaten for the things that I had done. And I was grateful for that. Grateful that He would die the death I deserved. Because Romans tells us that the wages of sin is death, and so someone had to die for it. Someone had to pay that debt, and He did it. But there was something I was missing in this whole story. Of course, I think Jesus was not looking forward to the painful death that He was facing. Anyone with skin and nerves would dread such a thing, but Jesus came to be the sacrifice and He knew that all along. Jesus, perfect and spotless. The man whom His father declared He was well pleased with. And in one day, like He had never felt before, Jesus endured the full wrath of God.
God is just and if you read the old testament, you see that He pours out His wrath when He needs to. He disciplines His children, and it's not always a stern talking to. But up until Jesus' death, He had never been the subject of God's wrath. Jesus did everything right, everything pleasing. And here we were, running around causing all the trouble. We were the ones doing the wrong thing, disappointing and hurting God. We were the ones creating grief and pain, and we were the ones who deserved wrath. And yet, rather than pouring out anger and wrath on us, God channeled that all towards Jesus. And for the first time, He felt it. For the first time, His father wasn't showing full pleasure towards Him. Being blamed for things He didn't do and unfairly enduring our punishment, and this was a difficult thing for Jesus. And although scripture doesn't say this, I have to think this was the hard part for Him. The cross, sure it hurt. The whips and the nails and crown of thorns caused intense physical His pain. But I have to think that enduring the wrath of God was worse than any physical pain one could go through. Because when someone is mad at you, wouldn't you rather a quick thump on the head and it be over for the both of you rather than the emotional distress it causes knowing someone is upset with you? I know I would. But He stayed there as long as it took and He received the full wrath of God for all of the things you and I have wrongly done, and praise the Lord that He would do such a thing for a whole bunch of sinners who actually deserved it.
I want the Lord to be pleased with me. I want to hear those words, "well done, good and faithful servant." And the realization that I have broken His heart and let Him down more times than I can count makes me all the more grateful that because of what Jesus did for me, God looks at me and doesn't feel anger and frustration towards me. That when He looks at me, He doesn't want to strike me with lightning bolts or set me on fire due to the incredible amounts of grief and pain I've caused. Rather, He looks at me and He says, "it's enough. What my Son did for you is enough. You can never make me mad enough to not love you. Frustrated enough to abandon you. Angry enough to curse you. When Jesus stood in your place, it was enough."
And so today I'm grateful that it clicked. That I realized the impact of the cross even more than I already knew. And I'm grateful to serve a God who would send a perfect, spotless son to be the recipient of my punishment so that I could be free from sin, from death, and from God's wrath. How marvelous to serve One who would stand in the gap for a sinner like me.
#520 - Because He endured wrath for me and it was enough.
"We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne." - Hebrews 12:2
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