Reason #594
It doesn't seem like it was 10 years ago, but it was. I had known this boy since 6th grade, and he was the object of everyone's affection. Of course, in a small town your options are limited so the competition is greater. Anyway, I had an English class with him in junior high and we sat next to each other. For the first time, we actually talked. In fact, we became friends, or so it seemed to me. And deep down I hoped that he liked me. I figured my chances were slim, but a little hope never hurt anything. Until I had met this boy in middle school, I had had a long standing 5 year elementary crush. He didn't seem so wonderful now. And it was now that people were starting to form relationships that were more than just friendships. Boys were asking the girls to homecoming. Sometimes we had dances, and they would go together. But I never got asked. I began to realize that I wasn't the "it" girl, and in fact, I couldn't hold a candle to her no matter what. I wasn't one of those girls who was fortunate to be good looking in their adolescence. I have pictures to prove it. But I thought that maybe this boy was different, just like I was. Maybe he would somehow like a girl like me. A girl who paled in comparison to the other girls physically, but a girl who lived a different life. He said he loved Jesus, and I didn't doubt that. I loved Jesus, too, and I thought that maybe he'd be attracted to that. Maybe he'd see that I was a nice girl, and he'd want that. But junior high came and junior high went and we stayed friends.
I had a dramatic transformation the summer between junior high and high school. I remember the first night I saw him for open house and he did a second take when we passed one another. He seemed shocked, and I was flattered, but we continued to stay friends. I looked at him and I just thought it couldn't get any better. He loved the Lord, he could play the guitar and sing, he was smart, he played sports, he was funny, cute, had an awesome family, and I felt like it only made sense that he would date a girl like me. But I didn't push it, I didn't try. Because I made a decision early on in life that I was going to be a "good girl." I wasn't promiscuous, I wasn't experimental, and I didn't compromise my convictions. "Good girls" are rarely popular girls, and I came to found out that "good girls" rarely have boyfriends. Well, finally it began to happen. He started hanging out with me one on one, and I was beside myself. I had secretly admired him for years, and he was starting to show some interest. One night, we were watching a movie at my house and we decided we'd go to Sonic (options are limited in a small town). He had a highly recognizable car, and as we drove down the main street of my small town, his two best friends spotted him with some unidentifiable girl in the passenger's seat. They sped up to get beside the car so they could see who he was with. I noticed that he kept speeding up. In fact, he even drove past Sonic so they couldn't catch up. Then, they tried to solve this mystery over the phone, but he refused to let them in on his little secret. And it was in that moment I realized he was ashamed to be seen with me. He knew his friends wouldn't approve and would probably give him a hard time, so he wanted to keep it a secret. Embarrassed to be seen with me and not afraid to show it.
That was the end of that. We spent the next two years of high school pretending as if he had never potentially given me a chance. It was awkward and weird, and I was really disappointed. But more than that, I began to tell myself it really was true. If someone like him didn't want to be with me, no one would ever want to be with me. I shouldn't ever expect anyone to desire me or pursue me. I wasn't worth it, and I would never be. I could never be myself and be the "it" girl. I wasn't going to look like her, I wasn't going to act like her, and so I would just have to settle for being rejected for the rest of my life. After all, it was obviously embarrassing and totally uncool to be seen with me. And if feeling like that about myself wasn't bad enough, he really drove that point home by finally telling me, "Brittnye, you are the kind of girl I would want to marry some day but not the kind of girl I'd want to date."
I believed this about myself for a long, long time. Afraid and insecure that I would never be wanted. That my deepest desire to be loved and accepted would never be met. And so the first time anyone showed me attention, the first time someone pursued me, told me they wanted me, and said everything my rejected heart longed to hear, I clung to it. Because it made me feel good for once. Finally, someone noticed me. Finally, someone chose me. Finally, someone was dispelling all of those facts I thought about myself. And truthfully, in life, isn't this what we all want? We just want to be accepted, chosen, approved of, and we want to know it.
I learned the hard way. I learned that when we seek the approval of others rather than seeking God's approval, we make big mistakes. I learned that it's a bad idea to care more about what other people think of you than what the Lord thinks of you. I learned that when you let people determine your value and worth, you'll eventually end up feeling worthless and completely unvalued. And when we live our lives trying to win approval and acceptance, we usually end up with a broken heart.
It's ironic that the more we let the world tell us who we are, the less we listen to who the Lord says we are. The more we care about acceptance and approval from people, the less we care about acceptance and approval from the Lord. Yet when we seek the Lord, when we care the most about what He says of us, when we desire His acceptance and approval above all, we begin to care less and less about what the world says because we realize it's not the truth. We realize that we're told lie after lie, lead down one crooked path to the next, only to end up in a state of brokenness and pain. Some of us just have to find that out the really hard way, and unfortunately, a lot of people never discover that freeing truth.
I am so grateful for a God who took a girl that has felt more rejection that she had ever hoped and helped her understand that she was looking for approval and acceptance in all the wrong places. I am thankful for a God who took a heart that had been wounded and let down so many times and opened its eyes to see that no one was ever going to love and accept her like He would. What a freeing truth! How relieving and comforting it is knowing that I don't have to be accepted by this world. No human being has to approve of me, and it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. In the end, we will stand before the very one who made us in His image, and He will accept us because we accepted Him. He won't be ashamed to acknowledge us before God and the rest of mankind because we are His and He is proud to have us. And so we may not be cool, beautiful, charming, witty, popular, wealthy, powerful and influential, but in the end that's not the stuff that matters anyway. In the end, it all comes down to you and the Lord. And I just praise Him over and over and over again for loving me, accepting me, not being ashamed to call me His own, and for giving me more worth than I know what do to with.
#594 - Because when we are concerned about receiving the Lord's acceptance, we could care the less about receiving it from the world.
"So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven." - Matthew 10:31-32
I had a dramatic transformation the summer between junior high and high school. I remember the first night I saw him for open house and he did a second take when we passed one another. He seemed shocked, and I was flattered, but we continued to stay friends. I looked at him and I just thought it couldn't get any better. He loved the Lord, he could play the guitar and sing, he was smart, he played sports, he was funny, cute, had an awesome family, and I felt like it only made sense that he would date a girl like me. But I didn't push it, I didn't try. Because I made a decision early on in life that I was going to be a "good girl." I wasn't promiscuous, I wasn't experimental, and I didn't compromise my convictions. "Good girls" are rarely popular girls, and I came to found out that "good girls" rarely have boyfriends. Well, finally it began to happen. He started hanging out with me one on one, and I was beside myself. I had secretly admired him for years, and he was starting to show some interest. One night, we were watching a movie at my house and we decided we'd go to Sonic (options are limited in a small town). He had a highly recognizable car, and as we drove down the main street of my small town, his two best friends spotted him with some unidentifiable girl in the passenger's seat. They sped up to get beside the car so they could see who he was with. I noticed that he kept speeding up. In fact, he even drove past Sonic so they couldn't catch up. Then, they tried to solve this mystery over the phone, but he refused to let them in on his little secret. And it was in that moment I realized he was ashamed to be seen with me. He knew his friends wouldn't approve and would probably give him a hard time, so he wanted to keep it a secret. Embarrassed to be seen with me and not afraid to show it.
That was the end of that. We spent the next two years of high school pretending as if he had never potentially given me a chance. It was awkward and weird, and I was really disappointed. But more than that, I began to tell myself it really was true. If someone like him didn't want to be with me, no one would ever want to be with me. I shouldn't ever expect anyone to desire me or pursue me. I wasn't worth it, and I would never be. I could never be myself and be the "it" girl. I wasn't going to look like her, I wasn't going to act like her, and so I would just have to settle for being rejected for the rest of my life. After all, it was obviously embarrassing and totally uncool to be seen with me. And if feeling like that about myself wasn't bad enough, he really drove that point home by finally telling me, "Brittnye, you are the kind of girl I would want to marry some day but not the kind of girl I'd want to date."
I believed this about myself for a long, long time. Afraid and insecure that I would never be wanted. That my deepest desire to be loved and accepted would never be met. And so the first time anyone showed me attention, the first time someone pursued me, told me they wanted me, and said everything my rejected heart longed to hear, I clung to it. Because it made me feel good for once. Finally, someone noticed me. Finally, someone chose me. Finally, someone was dispelling all of those facts I thought about myself. And truthfully, in life, isn't this what we all want? We just want to be accepted, chosen, approved of, and we want to know it.
I learned the hard way. I learned that when we seek the approval of others rather than seeking God's approval, we make big mistakes. I learned that it's a bad idea to care more about what other people think of you than what the Lord thinks of you. I learned that when you let people determine your value and worth, you'll eventually end up feeling worthless and completely unvalued. And when we live our lives trying to win approval and acceptance, we usually end up with a broken heart.
It's ironic that the more we let the world tell us who we are, the less we listen to who the Lord says we are. The more we care about acceptance and approval from people, the less we care about acceptance and approval from the Lord. Yet when we seek the Lord, when we care the most about what He says of us, when we desire His acceptance and approval above all, we begin to care less and less about what the world says because we realize it's not the truth. We realize that we're told lie after lie, lead down one crooked path to the next, only to end up in a state of brokenness and pain. Some of us just have to find that out the really hard way, and unfortunately, a lot of people never discover that freeing truth.
I am so grateful for a God who took a girl that has felt more rejection that she had ever hoped and helped her understand that she was looking for approval and acceptance in all the wrong places. I am thankful for a God who took a heart that had been wounded and let down so many times and opened its eyes to see that no one was ever going to love and accept her like He would. What a freeing truth! How relieving and comforting it is knowing that I don't have to be accepted by this world. No human being has to approve of me, and it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. In the end, we will stand before the very one who made us in His image, and He will accept us because we accepted Him. He won't be ashamed to acknowledge us before God and the rest of mankind because we are His and He is proud to have us. And so we may not be cool, beautiful, charming, witty, popular, wealthy, powerful and influential, but in the end that's not the stuff that matters anyway. In the end, it all comes down to you and the Lord. And I just praise Him over and over and over again for loving me, accepting me, not being ashamed to call me His own, and for giving me more worth than I know what do to with.
#594 - Because when we are concerned about receiving the Lord's acceptance, we could care the less about receiving it from the world.
"So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven." - Matthew 10:31-32
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