Reason #605

One thing I really miss about not having my own office space is not getting to listen to the radio. I really am amazed at how encouraging and uplifting music is, and there are so many days I just wish I could close a door and turn on music.

I used to blog songs all the time, but since I only listen to about 20 minutes of music a day, I don't get to hear as many new songs. I heard one coming home from church yesterday that has been stuck in my head since. The song is called "The Struggle," and I thought about how life in itself is so often that... a struggle.

I don't know about you but I struggle a lot. I struggle with how I view myself, with what to say or not to say. I struggle with wanting more and not being thankful for what I do have. I struggle with being critical and judgmental more often than being compassionate and understanding. I struggle with stressing and worrying about every little thing. With feeling inadequate and all sorts of insecure. I struggle with finding my place, with carving out my path. I struggle with wanting to be accepted by people and working hard to get exactly that. I struggle with the fact that I've set expectations for myself that I didn't meet and have yet to meet. With feeling like I could always do more, or that I could always do better. I struggle.

I struggle when I look in mirror and see a girl who is more tired than not. Who just wants to do everything right but can't seem to make that happen. I struggle when I fall and have a hard time getting back up because I am ashamed and embarrassed about how things have gone. I struggle with caring so much about what other people think and trying to live in a way in which I won't let anyone down. I struggle with the constant fight and desire to be perfect, even though I'm far from it. With trying to drown out what the world says and only listen to truth. With believing those truths rather than the lies. With realizing that it's okay to fall because getting back up is what matters. I struggle with thinking my worth comes from my actions rather than from the Lord. I struggle with remember what I know because I am always fighting this constant battle of control. Trying to carry all the weight on my shoulders, to get everything right, to be what others want me to be, and to do it with a smile on my face, and I just get tired of the struggle.

I heard this song and I loved how the chorus reminds us that there is no need to struggle. We don't have to fight because all of our struggles have been taken care of for us. We don't have to live lives of turmoil because Jesus has given us lives of freedom. And when we rest in that, realizing that we only have to be who He desires us to be, to do what He calls us to do, to follow His voice only, to seek His forgiveness when we do mess up, to allow His to redeem our messes and fix things for us, to let Him carry our heavy loads because He's strong enough to, and to surrender our all to Him, we see that there's no need to struggle.

And so I'm giving this my best shot. Trying to surrender it all rather than struggling to win a losing battle, otherwise. Because in reality, when I'm struggling, it's because I'm fighting against all of the things He is for. Fighting against peace, truth, forgiveness, love, humility, grace, mercy, obedience, freedom, and trust. And so when we stop fighting so hard, struggling so much, and just kind of give in, we realize that we're free from it. We can just be, we can grow, we can learn, and we can find joy in it all because we don't have to do anything else. Hallelujah that we never have to struggle to be free.

#605 - Because when we give up the struggle, we find joy and freedom.

"My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I whom you have delivered." - Psalm 71:23

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