Reason #612
I treated myself to lunch today. I go home everyday for lunch so I can let Scout out. She went to the groomer's today, so I figured I'd take the opportunity to eat out for once. I went to Market Street to get my favorite sandwich and decided it would be wise to also have two cake balls. I don't regret either one of them. I sat in the corner eating my sandwich and reading the news. It was nice to have a little alone time. After spending hours waiting on people, I always appreciate having a lunch where I can enjoy some peace and quiet.
Sometimes I feel like a broken record. Like I keep saying the same things over and over again. And this morning was one of those mornings where I literally had to make myself get up and go to work. I wouldn't have been the least bit sad to have had some great excuse to stay in bed all day. But I drove to work with sun blaring in my eyes and I just said, "Lord, I need your help today. I need your help to get through today. To make it through work. To be a better wife, a better leader, to do whatever it is you're asking me to do. I need your help."
I don't really like asking for help. I hate feeling as if I might be burdening someone or putting them in a position they might not want to be in. For the most part, people are polite and always agree to help but I wonder if it's because they are glad to help or just too nice to say no. Anyway, I definitely needed help this morning because sometimes I just feel totally and completely helpless.
One of the many things I love about Aaron is that he will talk about any and everything for as long as necessary. One of the many things that challenges me in my relationship with Aaron is that he wants to talk about any and everything for as long as necessary. Some things I like to talk about. But the things I don't like to talk about, I write about. One way or another, I'll get my words out. If it's a difficult topic, I write it. If it's a struggle or something that I'm really sensitive about, I write it. Aaron will often ask me what I blog about, and I usually recap it in detail. Last night, however, was one of those nights where I preferred to have my thoughts read versus discussed. And after respecting my wishes and reading my thoughts today, Aaron asked how he could help.
Sometimes people want to help us and we just don't want to be helped. Why do you think that is? Maybe it's because if we admit that we need help, we're admitting that we aren't as strong and capable as we try to appear to be. Maybe if we admit we need help, that means we're weak. If we allow someone to help us, that goes to prove that we couldn't do it in the first place. Or maybe, you're like me, and often times you don't know how to be helped. I find myself in this strangely complex position tonight. A position where I realize help would be well, helpful, but I don't know what help looks like. I don't know how to be helped. And even though I don't want to turn away help, I don't really know how to accept it either and it overwhelms me to try and figure that out.
Well maybe the thing about help is not knowing what exactly to do but just being willing. Be available and open to be there when it is apparent on how help is needed. And like Aaron pointed out to me tonight, two swords are better than one.
This is how I know I am loved. That I can sit on my bed, revealing all of my insecurities, pouring out my raw emotions, the very things I don't want to talk about or admit, and he looks at me and says, "How can I help you through this?" I don't know. I have no idea. But I don't have to know right now. I don't know if I'll ever have a concrete answer, but I realize that there are moments when I need help and I just shoulder the weight myself so that I don't seem like a burden. There are occasions where I don't speak up or share because I don't want to appear inadequate and weak. I've got this... or do I? And the fact that God would bless me with a helpmate and I would not take full advantage of that is not one of my smartest tactics, now is it?
Well. He did it. The Lord helped me get through today just like He has helped me get through every day for the past 26 years. And as grateful as I am that God is our helper in all things, I praise Him for also giving me a helper to go through life with here on earth. Someone who might not know what to do at that moment but is willing to do anything at any time. Someone who wants to come along side me and share the burden so that I can get through life's obstacles faster and with more ease. Someone who doesn't see it as an inconvenience but views it as a duty and a privilege. Someone who is incredibly strong and more than capable of helping me effectively and efficiently walk through any struggle while bringing glory to the Lord with every step we take. And so my heart is grateful for my helper, my love, my sweet husband who is a man of courage and honor. A brave man after God's own heart who is not afraid to offer a helping hand, even if that means he basically has to do it for me. And praise the Lord that He does the very same thing for all of His children. Our very present help in time of need.
#612 - Because He knows how to help us and is willing to do that even if we aren't sure what help looks like.
"Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them." - Psalm 10:17
"Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings." - Psalm 63:7
Sometimes I feel like a broken record. Like I keep saying the same things over and over again. And this morning was one of those mornings where I literally had to make myself get up and go to work. I wouldn't have been the least bit sad to have had some great excuse to stay in bed all day. But I drove to work with sun blaring in my eyes and I just said, "Lord, I need your help today. I need your help to get through today. To make it through work. To be a better wife, a better leader, to do whatever it is you're asking me to do. I need your help."
I don't really like asking for help. I hate feeling as if I might be burdening someone or putting them in a position they might not want to be in. For the most part, people are polite and always agree to help but I wonder if it's because they are glad to help or just too nice to say no. Anyway, I definitely needed help this morning because sometimes I just feel totally and completely helpless.
One of the many things I love about Aaron is that he will talk about any and everything for as long as necessary. One of the many things that challenges me in my relationship with Aaron is that he wants to talk about any and everything for as long as necessary. Some things I like to talk about. But the things I don't like to talk about, I write about. One way or another, I'll get my words out. If it's a difficult topic, I write it. If it's a struggle or something that I'm really sensitive about, I write it. Aaron will often ask me what I blog about, and I usually recap it in detail. Last night, however, was one of those nights where I preferred to have my thoughts read versus discussed. And after respecting my wishes and reading my thoughts today, Aaron asked how he could help.
Sometimes people want to help us and we just don't want to be helped. Why do you think that is? Maybe it's because if we admit that we need help, we're admitting that we aren't as strong and capable as we try to appear to be. Maybe if we admit we need help, that means we're weak. If we allow someone to help us, that goes to prove that we couldn't do it in the first place. Or maybe, you're like me, and often times you don't know how to be helped. I find myself in this strangely complex position tonight. A position where I realize help would be well, helpful, but I don't know what help looks like. I don't know how to be helped. And even though I don't want to turn away help, I don't really know how to accept it either and it overwhelms me to try and figure that out.
Well maybe the thing about help is not knowing what exactly to do but just being willing. Be available and open to be there when it is apparent on how help is needed. And like Aaron pointed out to me tonight, two swords are better than one.
This is how I know I am loved. That I can sit on my bed, revealing all of my insecurities, pouring out my raw emotions, the very things I don't want to talk about or admit, and he looks at me and says, "How can I help you through this?" I don't know. I have no idea. But I don't have to know right now. I don't know if I'll ever have a concrete answer, but I realize that there are moments when I need help and I just shoulder the weight myself so that I don't seem like a burden. There are occasions where I don't speak up or share because I don't want to appear inadequate and weak. I've got this... or do I? And the fact that God would bless me with a helpmate and I would not take full advantage of that is not one of my smartest tactics, now is it?
Well. He did it. The Lord helped me get through today just like He has helped me get through every day for the past 26 years. And as grateful as I am that God is our helper in all things, I praise Him for also giving me a helper to go through life with here on earth. Someone who might not know what to do at that moment but is willing to do anything at any time. Someone who wants to come along side me and share the burden so that I can get through life's obstacles faster and with more ease. Someone who doesn't see it as an inconvenience but views it as a duty and a privilege. Someone who is incredibly strong and more than capable of helping me effectively and efficiently walk through any struggle while bringing glory to the Lord with every step we take. And so my heart is grateful for my helper, my love, my sweet husband who is a man of courage and honor. A brave man after God's own heart who is not afraid to offer a helping hand, even if that means he basically has to do it for me. And praise the Lord that He does the very same thing for all of His children. Our very present help in time of need.
#612 - Because He knows how to help us and is willing to do that even if we aren't sure what help looks like.
"Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them." - Psalm 10:17
"Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings." - Psalm 63:7
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