Reason #601
I don't know that I like going to a football game on Thursday night. The last time I went to a Thursday night football game before tonight was when I cheered for the JV team as a sophomore in high school. Anyway, I won't complain because it was a good game. It will be worth being a little extra tired tomorrow. But what's even stranger is realizing that you are old enough to have babysat the quarterback. I mean I'm anywhere from 4-8 years older than the entire Texas Tech football team, and that just makes me feel, well, old. You know, growing up you see football players as grown men. Obviously, they are men, but they are young ones for sure. Well tonight, the student body showed up in droves to support their peers. And as I looked around, I became very thankful that my college days are over. I've said before that were I a junior high student now versus 14 years ago, I would be completely ostracized. Well, were I a college student now versus 8 years ago, I wouldn't have made it through easily either. Because things have greatly changed, and when I say things, I mean girls.
I'm not going to get on my soapbox about the things girls are choosing to wear these days, or lack there of. And I probably shouldn't say girls because grown women are starting to surprise me more and more by their choices as well. I've had my say before about modesty, and I realize that modesty is becoming a rare find in our society. But tonight, I felt it. I felt so completely awkward and outnumbered as I stood in the Jones AT&T stadium wearing a short-sleeved, crew neck t-shirt and ankle jeans. Wearing what I consider to be a normal and appropriate outfit for a football game, I felt like the odd man out. The fact that the only skin I was showing was my neck, face, and arms, made me feel (and maybe even look like) a nun. Seriously, I couldn't have felt more insecure and unattractive. And as I looked at all of these girls, and all of their skin, I got a little jealous. Now, I don't desire to dress like that or I would. I don't desire to present myself in such a manner, or I would. But I desire to be the object of my husband's affections. I desire for him to look at me and think I'm the hottest girl in town. And so having a few thousand sisters prancing around in see-through outfits, sporting dresses that I'm pretty sure are supposed to be shirts, and wearing shorts that I think are supposed to actually be underwear, can make a married woman a little frustrated.
Well, I tried not to think about it. I tried not to let it bother me, and I reminded myself that I have a husband who loves me for me. Aaron always tells me, "if I can see it, that means everyone else has, too." And thankfully, he is more grossed out by that than attracted to it. But I couldn't help I how felt when the 4 little college girls sitting behind us tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to take a group picture of them. Because I realized that with every year of life I am getting further and further away from looking like that. I realized that one day I'll have a baby who is going to do highly unattractive things to my body and pull me even further away from looking like that. And although I know he wasn't looking around and gawking, I was jealous. Jealous for his complete attention. The fact that temptation was swarming made me so mad. When I was single, I didn't care in the least what girls wore. But I was really upset about what I saw tonight and the fact that no matter where we go, we can't escape it. Because Aaron is mine, by gosh. I am committed to him. I promised my life to him, and I want all of him. All of him. I want his whole heart, all of his affections, his complete attention, loyalty, friendship, and trust. I don't want anyone to have a fraction of an ounce of one of those things.
The bible talks about God being a jealous God, and I had a hard time understanding that. Jealous? What in the world is there to be jealous of? Because I knew God wasn't jealous of people, that'd be insane. He created us. And so what was this burning jealousy caused by? What was making Him so angry? I understood it tonight. Because I am jealous for Aaron, not of Aaron. And God is the same way with His children. He paid such a high price for us, is completely committed to us, loyal, trustworthy, loving, and faithful and He wants all of us, not just some of us. He doesn't want to share us with the world. And here we are, with sin swarming, and God is infuriated by it. God hates it. He hates that very sin that is vying for our affection. The sin that is deceiving us in order to get our attention. The sin that will chew us up and spit us out because it never cared for us in the first place. But God does. He cares so much for us, and so He wants all of us. Because when He has all of us, we aren't going to get hurt. When He has all of us, we aren't going to be let down or humiliated. Our hearts won't be broken and our lives won't be devastated. When He has all of us, we'll be complete, just like it was intended from the start. Lacking nothing, needing nothing. And so I get it, and I am grateful to serve a God who loves me that much that He is literally burning with that much passion to make sure I stay His.
I love Aaron. I love being his wife. I love being married to him regardless of the growing pains we have to experience now and then. And I want him to not only know how much I love him, but I want that in return. I don't ever want to share it, ever. The thought of losing it hurts my heart more than I can stand. And so you bet I'll throw flame balls if I have to in order to keep him. I'm a jealous wife, that's right, jealous. I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep him mine forever. Because that's how it was intended from the start.
#601 - For a God whose love and passion burns so greatly for His own.
"You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you." - Exodus 34:14
I'm not going to get on my soapbox about the things girls are choosing to wear these days, or lack there of. And I probably shouldn't say girls because grown women are starting to surprise me more and more by their choices as well. I've had my say before about modesty, and I realize that modesty is becoming a rare find in our society. But tonight, I felt it. I felt so completely awkward and outnumbered as I stood in the Jones AT&T stadium wearing a short-sleeved, crew neck t-shirt and ankle jeans. Wearing what I consider to be a normal and appropriate outfit for a football game, I felt like the odd man out. The fact that the only skin I was showing was my neck, face, and arms, made me feel (and maybe even look like) a nun. Seriously, I couldn't have felt more insecure and unattractive. And as I looked at all of these girls, and all of their skin, I got a little jealous. Now, I don't desire to dress like that or I would. I don't desire to present myself in such a manner, or I would. But I desire to be the object of my husband's affections. I desire for him to look at me and think I'm the hottest girl in town. And so having a few thousand sisters prancing around in see-through outfits, sporting dresses that I'm pretty sure are supposed to be shirts, and wearing shorts that I think are supposed to actually be underwear, can make a married woman a little frustrated.
Well, I tried not to think about it. I tried not to let it bother me, and I reminded myself that I have a husband who loves me for me. Aaron always tells me, "if I can see it, that means everyone else has, too." And thankfully, he is more grossed out by that than attracted to it. But I couldn't help I how felt when the 4 little college girls sitting behind us tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to take a group picture of them. Because I realized that with every year of life I am getting further and further away from looking like that. I realized that one day I'll have a baby who is going to do highly unattractive things to my body and pull me even further away from looking like that. And although I know he wasn't looking around and gawking, I was jealous. Jealous for his complete attention. The fact that temptation was swarming made me so mad. When I was single, I didn't care in the least what girls wore. But I was really upset about what I saw tonight and the fact that no matter where we go, we can't escape it. Because Aaron is mine, by gosh. I am committed to him. I promised my life to him, and I want all of him. All of him. I want his whole heart, all of his affections, his complete attention, loyalty, friendship, and trust. I don't want anyone to have a fraction of an ounce of one of those things.
The bible talks about God being a jealous God, and I had a hard time understanding that. Jealous? What in the world is there to be jealous of? Because I knew God wasn't jealous of people, that'd be insane. He created us. And so what was this burning jealousy caused by? What was making Him so angry? I understood it tonight. Because I am jealous for Aaron, not of Aaron. And God is the same way with His children. He paid such a high price for us, is completely committed to us, loyal, trustworthy, loving, and faithful and He wants all of us, not just some of us. He doesn't want to share us with the world. And here we are, with sin swarming, and God is infuriated by it. God hates it. He hates that very sin that is vying for our affection. The sin that is deceiving us in order to get our attention. The sin that will chew us up and spit us out because it never cared for us in the first place. But God does. He cares so much for us, and so He wants all of us. Because when He has all of us, we aren't going to get hurt. When He has all of us, we aren't going to be let down or humiliated. Our hearts won't be broken and our lives won't be devastated. When He has all of us, we'll be complete, just like it was intended from the start. Lacking nothing, needing nothing. And so I get it, and I am grateful to serve a God who loves me that much that He is literally burning with that much passion to make sure I stay His.
I love Aaron. I love being his wife. I love being married to him regardless of the growing pains we have to experience now and then. And I want him to not only know how much I love him, but I want that in return. I don't ever want to share it, ever. The thought of losing it hurts my heart more than I can stand. And so you bet I'll throw flame balls if I have to in order to keep him. I'm a jealous wife, that's right, jealous. I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep him mine forever. Because that's how it was intended from the start.
#601 - For a God whose love and passion burns so greatly for His own.
"You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you." - Exodus 34:14
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