Reason #603
So I've been thinking a lot about love today. Per yesterday's post, I've been trying to figure out love and respect when it comes to marriage. What does each one look like? How is each one played out? There's this song that was popular a few years ago and the chorus had a line that said, "Why does love always feel like a battlefield?" Well, anyone who had been married for any length of time knows that every now and then we pick up our swords and start swinging. This person that knows us so well, the one we can't imagine life without, is the same one who knows which buttons to push, which fighting words to say, and all of the sudden this crazy little thing called love turns into war.
Aaron and I talked about this today. We talked about how different dating is than marriage. Because when you date, you find yourself really holding back. You're careful with every word you say, making sure to be as positive and as kind as possible. You stay away from those hot topics that might cause a rift, and you practice a lot of patience with one another. And so why is it that we do this when we date but once we say "I do," the claws come out? We decided that it's because we have an incentive. The driving force for our best behavior is marriage. Because we fully realize that at any moment, we could open a can of worms and we've lost our chance at forever. One ugly fight might be the very thing that stands between you and the altar. And so we know that if we want to keep this person, we need to show them why we are worth keeping around. We want them to love us, to enjoy us, and to chose to spend the rest of their lives with us. And so the comforting, and also potentially damaging, result of marriage is that we realize they have to stick with us through these moments of war. We realize that eventually we'll get over it and move on. They are ours now, so we can at least breathe a sigh of relief that we are not losing our chance at forever with them when the claws come out. But what happens when you don't get the chance to get over it? What happens when you thought forever meant you had time to figure this stuff out, you had time to learn and change and get better, but you were given no time? Sometimes love really is just that, simply a battlefield. A place where we are wounded, hurt, and left to die.
Here's the funny thing about being on the battlefield. It's in the fight that we often times find out how loved we really are. Sure, arrows are being hurled and shields are up, but it's during the war that we learn. We learn what we are doing wrong, and we learn what we need to be doing differently. We also learn how miserable combat is, and we learn new tactics on how to end it as quickly as possible. In war, we learn to fight fair. We learn what moves to make, and we learn when to retreat. But more than that, we learn what it is we are really fighting for. And here's the truth. Most of the time we are battling because we're selfish. Duking it out over completely stupid and senseless things because we want to be in charge. We spend our time trying to come out on top not even realizing that we are really just digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole. But then we look around and we see all the damage we've done. All of the sudden we notice the messes we've made, and we realize that we went to war for no good reason. We realize that we've wounded the innocent because we were blinded by our flesh. And so we shot arrows because we lost our incentive. We forgot how enjoyable life was when we practice patience and kindness, and now we have to figure out how to get off the battlefield.
Well, the way I see it, you've got two options. You can either break your vow, turn around, and head off on your own. You can completely forget about love, and you can keep shooting those arrows as you walk away. Or, you can remember that even though you may not feel it at the moment, you love that person. You told them that the only way you'd give up was through death alone, and so you can put down your sword. And instead of fighting them, you can fight with them. You can fight together. You can combine forces and get yourself off of that battlefield. And that, my friends, is how you find out whether or not you are truly loved. Because when you have someone who will fight with you, and even fight for you, versus against you, you're going to be okay. You don't have to worry because no matter what, you will get through it. No matter what, they really do desire to be with you and be on good terms. And so the key here is that you fight to stay off the battlefield. And when love doesn't seem to be present at the moment, you fight to get off the battlefield. Either way, you're going to fight, but it's much better when you're battling on the same team.
Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this than to lay down one's life for one's friend." That's love right there. Love that will fight to the death for you, with you, and not to the death of you. Love that will fight to keep you, not to abandon you. Love that will battle to get off the field with you and do whatever it takes to stay there. Do you want to know why love feels like a battlefield? Because it is. Circumstances come that attempt to divide and conquer, but those who fight together will be the ones who win the battle.
#603 - For someone to fight through life with, not against.
"Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me. Take up shield and armor; arise and come to my aid." - Psalm 35:1-2
Aaron and I talked about this today. We talked about how different dating is than marriage. Because when you date, you find yourself really holding back. You're careful with every word you say, making sure to be as positive and as kind as possible. You stay away from those hot topics that might cause a rift, and you practice a lot of patience with one another. And so why is it that we do this when we date but once we say "I do," the claws come out? We decided that it's because we have an incentive. The driving force for our best behavior is marriage. Because we fully realize that at any moment, we could open a can of worms and we've lost our chance at forever. One ugly fight might be the very thing that stands between you and the altar. And so we know that if we want to keep this person, we need to show them why we are worth keeping around. We want them to love us, to enjoy us, and to chose to spend the rest of their lives with us. And so the comforting, and also potentially damaging, result of marriage is that we realize they have to stick with us through these moments of war. We realize that eventually we'll get over it and move on. They are ours now, so we can at least breathe a sigh of relief that we are not losing our chance at forever with them when the claws come out. But what happens when you don't get the chance to get over it? What happens when you thought forever meant you had time to figure this stuff out, you had time to learn and change and get better, but you were given no time? Sometimes love really is just that, simply a battlefield. A place where we are wounded, hurt, and left to die.
Here's the funny thing about being on the battlefield. It's in the fight that we often times find out how loved we really are. Sure, arrows are being hurled and shields are up, but it's during the war that we learn. We learn what we are doing wrong, and we learn what we need to be doing differently. We also learn how miserable combat is, and we learn new tactics on how to end it as quickly as possible. In war, we learn to fight fair. We learn what moves to make, and we learn when to retreat. But more than that, we learn what it is we are really fighting for. And here's the truth. Most of the time we are battling because we're selfish. Duking it out over completely stupid and senseless things because we want to be in charge. We spend our time trying to come out on top not even realizing that we are really just digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole. But then we look around and we see all the damage we've done. All of the sudden we notice the messes we've made, and we realize that we went to war for no good reason. We realize that we've wounded the innocent because we were blinded by our flesh. And so we shot arrows because we lost our incentive. We forgot how enjoyable life was when we practice patience and kindness, and now we have to figure out how to get off the battlefield.
Well, the way I see it, you've got two options. You can either break your vow, turn around, and head off on your own. You can completely forget about love, and you can keep shooting those arrows as you walk away. Or, you can remember that even though you may not feel it at the moment, you love that person. You told them that the only way you'd give up was through death alone, and so you can put down your sword. And instead of fighting them, you can fight with them. You can fight together. You can combine forces and get yourself off of that battlefield. And that, my friends, is how you find out whether or not you are truly loved. Because when you have someone who will fight with you, and even fight for you, versus against you, you're going to be okay. You don't have to worry because no matter what, you will get through it. No matter what, they really do desire to be with you and be on good terms. And so the key here is that you fight to stay off the battlefield. And when love doesn't seem to be present at the moment, you fight to get off the battlefield. Either way, you're going to fight, but it's much better when you're battling on the same team.
Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this than to lay down one's life for one's friend." That's love right there. Love that will fight to the death for you, with you, and not to the death of you. Love that will fight to keep you, not to abandon you. Love that will battle to get off the field with you and do whatever it takes to stay there. Do you want to know why love feels like a battlefield? Because it is. Circumstances come that attempt to divide and conquer, but those who fight together will be the ones who win the battle.
#603 - For someone to fight through life with, not against.
"Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me. Take up shield and armor; arise and come to my aid." - Psalm 35:1-2
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