Reason #207

Sometimes I sit and stare at the screen wondering how it's possible to form words from the thoughts flowing through my head. Sometimes, although it is rare, I find myself speechless.

I sat on the couch in my hotel room feeling miserably stuffed after eating one of the best steak dinners I've ever had. My ear burned as I pressed the phone tightly against my face. I talked about my concerns, my nerves. Talking it out, I suppose. I like to think out loud to my mom, who also doubles as my sounding board. I didn't know what to do. A dilemma. I suppose I knew what to do but I just wanted to be assured. I like assurance, I like concrete answers. And here I am, finding myself in this strange space of joy and concern. A little worried because I am not certain of what lies ahead. A little nervous because it's all happening so unexpectedly. Answers to prayers that have been prayed for years, prayers that have been mouthed by a mother/daughter duo, are beginning to form. Clarity is beginning to bubble to the surface, and so I begin to wonder. "Are you sure, God?" "Is this REALLY an answer?" "Am I on the right path?" Because here's what I've learned, there is no place more frightening than being on the wrong path. There is no place more miserable than being outside of the will of God. I'm not one for misery, and I'm not one who enjoys fear, so I want to be on that path. I want to be smack dab in the middle of His will. And as His will unfolds, as He continues to propel me forwad, I am blown away by His graciousness. I start to question and doubt because I just can't believe how good He is to me. I just can't believe how generous He is. And I wonder why. Why so gracious to me? Why so gracious to a simple girl? A girl who has little to offer to Him. A girl who still has a lot of learning to do. A girl who gets it wrong more than she gets it right. Why be gracious to me?

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" - Isaiah 30:18

Because He longs to. He desires to. He wants to. And who am I to question His pleasant, benevolent intentions? Rather, I think I'll gladly accept them. Because the truth is, I've been waiting. Waiting a long time. I've waited, waited some more, and really, I'm still waiting. But in the waiting, He is gracious. In the waiting, He pours out blessings beyond belief. 

And so He is gracious. Gracious to show me as I wait. Gracious to answer my questions, and answer with kindness. Gracious to light my path so I can see as I move forward in faith. And most of all gracious to bring restoration. Unexpected, completely surprising, pleasant restoration. 

#207 - Because He is so gracious!

"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." - Psalm 116:5-7


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