Reason #215

I woke up this morning feeling like Gumby, stretched thin and pulled into a million directions. The pressure seemed heavy. I’ve experienced a lot of down time over the past year. For many months, I just lived and breathed. That was basically it. I went to work, came home, sat around all night and went to bed. It was a mentally exhausting cycle to be stuck in. When you have nothing to do, you have a lot of time to think. So I looked forward to having things to do. I wanted distractions, and slowly but surely, my schedule began to fill up.

Time sped up as pencil scratches began to appear on the pages of my calendar. It’s August. Mid-August, to be exact. Fall, the busiest season of them all, is quickly approaching. So I woke up this morning feeling it. Pressured. And I realize that this heavy pressure is placed on me by none other than myself. But I do it because I am a self-proclaimed perfectionist. I hate the thought of failing at anything, of letting someone down, or of disappointing someone. And more than anything, the enemy reminds me of how inadequate and humanly I am. “You’ll never be able to do this, much less do a good job. You can’t handle this without failing miserably. You just wait, in time you’ll mess it up and everyone will be disappointed in you. You’re going to, inevitably, let someone down.”

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” – 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Fragile, not flexible. And I begin to feel, as I’m being pressured and pulled, that I will break. I’m going to crack, somehow. I don’t know if I can handle it. Because here’s the truth, life is so much easier when you have one single thing to focus on. Sure, it doesn’t seem like it at the time, but it is. It’s easy because that thing gets all of your attention. Negative or positive, it doesn’t matter. You can focus on that thing and be intentional. And, when the number is small, it doesn’t seem so intimidating, so overwhelming. When the responsibility is less, it’s much more manageable.

But I suppose this is the point Paul’s trying to get across. Fragile jars can’t do a whole lot of anything on their own. Fragile jars are unproductive when working alone. But fragile jars, when containing that precious treasure inside, can do quite a bit. In fact, they can do more than they thought possible. And I realize that if I am going to try to handle the pressure on my own, I will fail miserably and let more people down than just myself. Of course, I only realize it because I’ve lived it before. So I need His help. I need His guidance. And I’m grateful that even though I sometimes feel pressed down and knocked around, I won’t be destroyed or crushed as long as that treasure remains.

And really, if you think about it, one of the best ways the shining light can be seen from inside of fragile clay pots is through the cracks. The cracks of time, the cracks of learning, the cracks of wisdom. But that precious treasure inside holds the cracks together, shining through each one, and reminding that clay jar that with Him, all things really are possible.

#215 – Because I may crack, but He'll always hold me together.

"For I hold you by your right hand— I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you."-Isaiah 41:13