Reason #183

Today marks my 6 month "blog-iversary." For six solid months I have poured my heart out through a keyboard. For six months, keystrokes have become my therapy. Some nights, I have typed with tears in my eyes, some nights I have typed with tears rolling down my face, some nights have I mashed the keys with frustration and anger, some nights have I had a hard time even coming up with words. I've had nights of confusion, nights of sorrow, nights of joy and nights of bliss. You name an emotion, and I've experienced it at least once in the past 6 months. Tonight's emotion is no stranger...

worthy - having sufficient merit or vaule; deserving (dictionary.com)

I sat on my couch gobbling down incredibly delicious cake, cake that was worthy of more than one serving, and I talked about worth. I thought about worth, I thought about second chances, and I thought about me. I thought about my worth, my value, and my perception of myself.

Worthless. This was the word that replayed in my mind and escaped through my mouth, only it came out in a "nicer" form. Unworthy. Nothing to offer, nothing to give. Because what I had is no longer there. Taken from me. Unavailable. And so I deemed myself less valuable, less deserving. Simply not worth it.

It makes sense that things of worth are matched up. Valuable things should be paired together. Things that are alike deserve one another. Sneakers aren't worn with ballgowns. That would look silly, afterall. Totally out of place.

And so, as I sat and rated myself, I began to feel discouraged. I began to feel a little destitue. Because, my friends, I often believe I am a pair of sneakers. A pair of sneakers with frayed shoestrings, worns out soles, and dirt stains. Sneakers that should be left in the closet and only worn to do yardwork. Sneakers, that even when cleaned up, still show a little wear and tear. Sneakers that have walked a few miles through the mud puddles. And even though, at one time they were shiney and new, these sneakers will never be able to completely go back to that state. It's too late for that. So I have marked myself as "grunge" and expect to be paired up with something likewise.

But I so easily forget. I forget who I am. I forget who I belong to. I forget that my Father wrote the book on redemption. I forget that He's the reason we get to have second chances. I forget that He is the one who places worth in His children, not because of what they have done or haven't done, but because of who they are - His creation, created in His image. And I forget that He never truly gives us what we deserve. Because I am so undeserving. Undeserving of His love, His time, His attention, and His grace which He so freely gives. And I'm most unworthy. Unworthy of another opportunity, unworthy of a new start, and unworthy of the mercy that is lavished upon me each day.

So I'm thankful that He doesn't pair things up of equal value because I'll never be worthy of such love and affection. And I'm thankful that He is so gracious to defy our human ideas and logic and pair up ballgowns with sneakers. Because even though it doesn't make sense, even though they don't seem to go together, sneakers always make for a better night of dancing than glass slippers do!

#183 - Because He pairs up ballgowns and sneakers!

"I will praise you every day; yes, I will praise you forever. Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise! No one can measure his greatness." - Psalm 145:2-3