Reason #378
I have been waiting for Friday night all week. I can't even explain how excited I am about the fact that I don't have to wake up early tomorrow. If all goes as planned, my eyes should open around 11:00AM.
This week has taken it out of me. This has been one of the most exhausting weeks I've had in about 6 months. I'm going to be honest and transparent tonight because I think I may not be the only one who goes through times like these. This was a difficult week for no one reason in particular. It started Sunday with a dose of insecurity and then each day brought new challenges. I am a crier, and I cried more than I wished to this week. And I think the thing that made it so frustrating is that these little circumstances seem so petty. When I talk about them, I know it probably sounds like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but they seem so overwhelming that I can't get my emotions and logic to line up. I begin to feel defeated and a little irritated at myself for allowing my emotions to get the best of me. I don't want to feel this way or think this way about myself. And so it has been a struggle this week. Just when I think I've done all the work that needed to be done, I realize I'm just really beginning to skim the surface.
I like to have a handle on thigs. I like to keep it together if possible. I don't want to be a blubbering mess, and I get no joy out of those moments. From the outside, you never know what people are feeling. You have an idea, but it's hard to get it accurate when judging solely on appearance. But that's one of the things I really love about God. We can't hide a thing from Him. He knows when we have it together and when we're falling to pieces regardless of what it looks like on the outside. The fall of 2011 was a continual punch in the stomach. Every moment I needed Him. I thrived on His presence and I devoured it like never before. I couldn't read His word or sing His praises enough. I probably didn't go an hour without muttering a prayer. And each day, I poured my heart out to Him. Each day, I relied on Him to carry me. Because I knew I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't heal myself, restore myself, find true joy on my own, or give myself peace. I needed Him.
But seaons change. Even though that was the worst season in my life, it was also the most incredible season of my walk with God. I realized that if this pain was the one thing that allowed me to experience Him that way, then so be it. If that was the means He was going to use to pull me closer, teach me about His love, and use me, then it was worth it. And the thing I learned most during that time was how much I needed Him. I saw how worthless and hopeless life is without Him, how useless and ineffective I am without Him, and so I asked Him to be right in the middle of every part of my life.
My mind forgot. In fact, I have a hard time even remembering the pain now. God has been gracious to let me forget certain things, but I think I've forgotten some really valuable things along the way, which I was reminded of this week. So here it is, here's what I forgot. I forgot how much I needed Him every moment of every day. Not just the really gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, painful moments, but I also need Him in the regular, routine, simple moments. I need Him in the joyous, exhilirating, happy moments and in the quiet, calm, restful moments. I forgot that with every breath, I need to depend on Him no matter what's going on. With every second of my day, I need to seek Him. My hunger for Him should be the same in the promised land as it was in the desert.
Thursday afternoon I drove home for lunch with a really heavy heart. I just simply asked God to take care of me. Insecurities, fear, guilt, frustration, and anxiety were taking their toll on me and so I did the one thing I've done time and time again. I turned up my radio and a song by Kari Jobe began to play. In the chorus she said, "I find you in the place I'm in..." and I knew He was talking to me because this is where He has met me so many times. I can't even count the number of times He has consumed me, comforted me, and encouraged me in my car with a song. The words couldn't be more true, and I was so grateful for the reminder. You see, sometimes we think we can only find God in certain places. Maybe it's in a particular location, a certain emotion, a set time or day, but the truth is, we can find Him right where we are. We don't have to go looking and searching for His presence because He is ever-present with us. And He's faithful to meet us right where we are. Heartache or joy, we can find Him there.
So as hard as this week was, I praise Him for reminding me to find Him in the place I'm in, regardless of where that may be. And I'm grateful that He's always there, always present. We don't have to do a thing but call out His name and He'll be certain to make His presence known when we look to find Him.
#378 - Because regardless of where we are, how we feel, or what we're doing, we can find Him right there with us!
"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” - Matthew 28:20
This week has taken it out of me. This has been one of the most exhausting weeks I've had in about 6 months. I'm going to be honest and transparent tonight because I think I may not be the only one who goes through times like these. This was a difficult week for no one reason in particular. It started Sunday with a dose of insecurity and then each day brought new challenges. I am a crier, and I cried more than I wished to this week. And I think the thing that made it so frustrating is that these little circumstances seem so petty. When I talk about them, I know it probably sounds like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but they seem so overwhelming that I can't get my emotions and logic to line up. I begin to feel defeated and a little irritated at myself for allowing my emotions to get the best of me. I don't want to feel this way or think this way about myself. And so it has been a struggle this week. Just when I think I've done all the work that needed to be done, I realize I'm just really beginning to skim the surface.
I like to have a handle on thigs. I like to keep it together if possible. I don't want to be a blubbering mess, and I get no joy out of those moments. From the outside, you never know what people are feeling. You have an idea, but it's hard to get it accurate when judging solely on appearance. But that's one of the things I really love about God. We can't hide a thing from Him. He knows when we have it together and when we're falling to pieces regardless of what it looks like on the outside. The fall of 2011 was a continual punch in the stomach. Every moment I needed Him. I thrived on His presence and I devoured it like never before. I couldn't read His word or sing His praises enough. I probably didn't go an hour without muttering a prayer. And each day, I poured my heart out to Him. Each day, I relied on Him to carry me. Because I knew I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't heal myself, restore myself, find true joy on my own, or give myself peace. I needed Him.
But seaons change. Even though that was the worst season in my life, it was also the most incredible season of my walk with God. I realized that if this pain was the one thing that allowed me to experience Him that way, then so be it. If that was the means He was going to use to pull me closer, teach me about His love, and use me, then it was worth it. And the thing I learned most during that time was how much I needed Him. I saw how worthless and hopeless life is without Him, how useless and ineffective I am without Him, and so I asked Him to be right in the middle of every part of my life.
My mind forgot. In fact, I have a hard time even remembering the pain now. God has been gracious to let me forget certain things, but I think I've forgotten some really valuable things along the way, which I was reminded of this week. So here it is, here's what I forgot. I forgot how much I needed Him every moment of every day. Not just the really gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, painful moments, but I also need Him in the regular, routine, simple moments. I need Him in the joyous, exhilirating, happy moments and in the quiet, calm, restful moments. I forgot that with every breath, I need to depend on Him no matter what's going on. With every second of my day, I need to seek Him. My hunger for Him should be the same in the promised land as it was in the desert.
Thursday afternoon I drove home for lunch with a really heavy heart. I just simply asked God to take care of me. Insecurities, fear, guilt, frustration, and anxiety were taking their toll on me and so I did the one thing I've done time and time again. I turned up my radio and a song by Kari Jobe began to play. In the chorus she said, "I find you in the place I'm in..." and I knew He was talking to me because this is where He has met me so many times. I can't even count the number of times He has consumed me, comforted me, and encouraged me in my car with a song. The words couldn't be more true, and I was so grateful for the reminder. You see, sometimes we think we can only find God in certain places. Maybe it's in a particular location, a certain emotion, a set time or day, but the truth is, we can find Him right where we are. We don't have to go looking and searching for His presence because He is ever-present with us. And He's faithful to meet us right where we are. Heartache or joy, we can find Him there.
So as hard as this week was, I praise Him for reminding me to find Him in the place I'm in, regardless of where that may be. And I'm grateful that He's always there, always present. We don't have to do a thing but call out His name and He'll be certain to make His presence known when we look to find Him.
#378 - Because regardless of where we are, how we feel, or what we're doing, we can find Him right there with us!
"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” - Matthew 28:20
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